Loosing my mum

I don’t think I have had time to grieve for my mum and now Xmas is uppon us I am missing my mum sooo much past week I have gone to bed cried my self to sleep just because my mum has gone she’s been gone since July this Yr I been to busy by been a first time mum my mum died of brain Stem death my mum had a stroke and got worse and had more strokes n seizures people say time heals as it goes on but it hurts I just want a hug from her and to. Tell me everything will be OK I am been strong for my daughter sake but there is only so much someone can take its been a horrible Yr but how do you cope when the one main person is missing at Xmas x

Hi im very sorry for your loss.You will find out on the day how youll cope ,because no planning for this will ease your mind.Everybody copes in different ways , there is no magic formula to conquer this unfortunately .Time is a great healer,i disagree time forces you think a different way from before .And the phrase who long is a piece of string applies.Colin (im 59 my darlingwife Denise passed 04032016 on her 41st birthday .I hope ive helped and not upset you ,im brutual in my words others on here can vouch for that .Please stay in touch on here you may find someone you connect with and understands losing their mum .Its a wonderful site that never closes

Hi, I absolutely understand how you feel. I’m coming up to the first anniversary of my mum’s passing and for the past 2 months I have been reliving every traumatic day of the events of last year. Some days I can barely function and my 2 children are also grieving her. It’s so overwhelming and exhausting that i feel I have nothing to give to them as I’m so wrapped up in my own grief. I saw my mum every day, we were so close. She was my support and I’m just lost without her. I’m so lucky to have my boys and my family but nothing fills that huge hole my mum has left. With the anniversary and christmas approaching, it’s just unbearable. Sorry this isn’t very positive, I just wanted you to know that someone else is feeling the same pain as you. I want to get to a place where I can remember all our lovely Christmases with fondest. Right now it’s all too painful. I feel bad because I want to be happy for my children…you know christmas cheer, etc…but my mum and i loved christmas and every song, decoration, etc, just makes me cry. Even the boots advert with the mum and daughter starts me off and that John lewis one! Then the children are sad because I’m sad…They hate to see me cry. My mum was so strong. I can’t remember her falling to bits when my nan, her mum, died. All I do is take one day at a time in the hope that one day the pain will lessen. Take care of yourself, from clare

Hi

I am sorry to read about your Mum and how ill she was before she passed away. You must have had a very hard time then and since. Dealing with and watching someone you love being so ill is horrible and then afterwards when they are gone it is even worse. I admire you for keeping everything going for your daughter.

I lost my Mum in the summer just ove two years ago and like you and others on here that first Christmas hung over me for weeks beforehand. I found the day very difficult and also strange as I had decided doing something different might help. I went away rather than stay in the home Mum and I shared. It did help up to a point but no way was it easy and I spent much of Christmas Day either crying or trying not to.

The way I cope now with birthdays, anniversaries etc is breaking the day down into small chunks. Hours or shorter if needs be. Remember also that although you want to make Christmas nice for your daughter you are important too. Do things for yourself, a reward for each chunk of the day that passes, a chocolate, a satsuma, drink of something. A walk somewhere could pass some of the day. I always buy myself something small afterwards to remember my Mum - that is one of my rewards for getting through the day.

Time does not heal in my opinion. I have accepted my Mum’s loss now but I don’t like it. I find I feel numb a lot of the time. I think about Mum everyday and allow myself time to do that so that slowly I have been able to enjoy the memories of happier times.

Take care of yourself and the others who have replied to you.

Mel