Loosing my mum

Hi, im new but need to get this horrible dark pain out of my head. I lost my mum, she passed away on boxing day, she had an aortic aneurysm that had grown to over 9cm but she died of a blood clot in her lung. I cant sleep, im being sick, my head feels like its going to explode sometimes and i just want to hide in the dark. They advertised her council house on the same day as the funeral. Then peolple who won it came to nosey and try to intimidate us to sort through the house sooner. We finished clearing it last week. I just feel so low, i miss her and i feel so alone and can’t stop thinking i could of done more.

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@Kaz79
So sorry for loss, I know exactly how you feel my mam had the exact same aneurysm, she didn’t even know, she just collapsed and that was it no one could save her. It’s an awful experience to go through losing you mam and is lonely as it was always your mam you speak to but try to remember she always loved you and always will, she’ll give the strength to carry on. Always here if you ever want to talk xx

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Hi Kaz79
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m new to this site, I put my first post on yesterday and have already felt warmth and support. I find it an immense help just knowing that I’m not alone and that I can write my feelings down instead of putting on a brave face.

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Sorry for your loss.
I know how you feel in a different way.
I lost my mum 3 years ago.
It was the time of Covid.
The hospital made the decision not to resuscitate my mum without telling me. When my mum did get bad she could’ve gone on the ventilator and she may have been with us. Also, when I questioned this with the doctors they said I agreed to it. I never had the conversation with the doctors about this?
So I’m finding it hard and guilty that I didn’t fight harder for my mum.

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Hi Kaz
I’m so sorry for your loss, I lost my mam last month and I know exactly how you’re feeling. That must have been really tough being forced to to through you’re mum’s personal possessions, I know because I’m no where near ready for that. The only thing I can say is keep posting on here where everyone understands and just hang on, unfortunately it’s probably one of the toughest times of our life, BUT you’ll find when you read posts on here that eventually the pain will ease
Take care :heart:

Hi Catherine4
Glad you posted, I’m having one of those bad days today but hopefully better tomorrow
Take care :heart:

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Hope you’re feeling a little better today?
Thinking of you.
I totally understand.

Hi Kaz,
I’m so sorry for what your going through. I’m new here too. I lost my mum last November and have been trying to sort out her things this week. I am really struggling - I’m very tearful and irrational and stressed about things that usually give me pleasure.I’m sorry that you have been put under pressure to empty your Mum’s house; it must make things so much more difficult. I hope it helps to know that you’re not alone. Xxx

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@Kaz79 hi, so sorry for your loss. Its hard when it comes to dealing with our loved one’s stuff. My mum passed away 18 days ago and luckily I inherited her flat so I’m not under any pressuere. I can’t even bring myself to look through her stuff yet, just end up crying each time I try. I really hope you can find strength to deal with it. Remember, you are not alone. We are all here for the same reason. Sending you warm hugs xxx

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Thank you so much, these messages do help
Hope you’re doing OK :heart:

@Catherine4 I’m so tired of putting a brave face on… I just want to cry. Why does the world think we should just get on witj life? My life has changed forever on 5th Feb when my mum died, I will never be the same…

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I’m so tired too. Tired of trying to be strong and hold it together to deal with the world that goes on. It’s good that we don’t have to wear mourning attire anymore, but in a way that at least sent a message to people around you. Sending hugs. :purple_heart:

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It’s awful, we all have to go through this horrible experience, but I’ve leant after talking about it with various people l, that you just need to do what you body tells you if you want to cry do it, the reason it hurts so much is because we loved them that much. I’ve not had my mam’s funeral yet, (Monday coming) and I know it will probably hit me hard but if I breakdown on the day so be it I can’t pretend to hold it together we have to let our emotions show. Keep strong and sending lots of virtual hugs xxx

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@Ulma I’m in black… that’s how we mourn…

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That’s good advice, but yes, it really is awful. Quite right, we should let our emotions show and if you do people will understand. Sending you strength and hugs for Monday. :heart:

Oh, of course the tradition lives on these days as well. I don’t know anyone who wears black, except at the funeral, but I do see the point of it. :two_hearts:

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It really does help. Thats what I’ve been like, up and down, its really tough but it does help to talk.
.xxx

@Ulma I’m Catholic and Polish, also 46 so brought up slightly differently. I sometimes think when people wore black for mourning it sent a message to people that you are sad and frigile so people were more sensitive around you. Its part of my upbringing and culture and can’t imagine doing it differently but obviousely everyone is different. In the end its our hearts that suffer and are broken…

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My Mam died in October, we knew it was coming as she was on end of life medication. We sat with her for a week until she died.
When Mam died, I was in total disbelief.
We bathed and dressed her and did her hair.
I remember thinking, you (our Mam) was with us when we took our first breath, we’re with you when you took your last.
My heart broke and like you my life will never be the same.
It’s so hard losing your Mam, it’s so hard no words ease the pain. :heart:

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