Loosing my partner and looking after my baby

Hello
I have just lost my partner of 9 years. He died suddenly to a bleed on the brain. He was a fit and healthy 29 soon to be turning 30 year old man. We have a little 10month old girl who he absolutely adored. He was my whole world my absolute everything and we were so happy with our little family.
I’m really struggling to carry on I struggle to be fun and happy infront of my little girl because every time I look at her I get upset that she is going to grow up not only without a daddy but not having any memory of him because she’s so young. Yet their bond was so adorable and infectious. All I keep thinking about is her life is not going to be the same and it’s not how I wanted her life to be.
I can’t understand why this had to happen to us we had so much going for us, he will miss out on her first birthday, we had booked our first family holiday for October, she’s so close to walking. I just don’t know why he had to go and why now of all times. I get angry and then I get sad and I just feel so clostrophobic and I just wana b on my own. I know this has all affected my baby girl but I just don’t have the strength to keep her up beat. I have my mum and Dad here keeping her entertained but she knows something isn’t right.
I just don’t know what to do.

Dear Francesca,
I’m so sorry to read about your partner’s sudden death. I can understand that you are angry and find it difficult to be happy around your beautiful girl. Maybe you could ask for some counselling to help with the way you are feeling.
You and your daughter will have a different life than the one you envisaged, but your partner loved her which will give you comfort. I’m sorry I cannot wave a magic wand and bring him back, my 2 girls were 24 and 27 when my husband died and they are still affected by it. Please take comfort here, we know what you are going through.
Jakkles

Hi Francesca

I was so sad to read about the loss of your partner. It is so tragic and you are so young to have to cope with this. It’s been hard enough for those of us who are older but somehow your loss seems even worse as you had your whole future taken away.
I am glad your parents are able to help with your baby because you must take care of yourself. You will need to eat and get some sleep. Don’t be too hard on yourself concerning your emotions, anger, fear and sadness are all a normal part of grief.

You will need some help to process what has happened and may want to consider bereavement counselling at a later stage but for the moment just take it minute by minute.

Keep posting on this site, day or night. There are lots of people who can offer advice and everyone can understand what you are going through. We are all going through our own grief journeys.

Sending you a big hug.

Yvonne X

Hi Francesca,

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. My little boy had just turned 5 when his dad was killed. Everything you are feeling is normal, no matter what that is. I’m sure you e heard of the 5 stages of grief, almost 6 years on and I still bounce between them all. I know you feel that much pain that you can’t belive that you wake up every morning. I know you feel sick and panics all the time. And I know you feel more frightened then you ever thought you would ever feel.

I promise you that you will learn to cope with these feelings and emotions. I wish I could tell you that it gets easier, but it doesn’t. But you will learn how to compartmentalise, and it will become part of who you are.

You are a fantastic mum! And you will get through the darkest stages because of that, because as mums we don’t have a choice, but they get us through. My little boy got me through. They call us strong but we’re not, it’s our children and our love for them that is strong, and what pulls us through.

You will find joy in your little girl I promise. But give yourself lots of time. Don’t look into the future, just concentrate on getting through the next minute, and then the next. Or if that’s too much then the next 10 seconds, it doesn’t matter what works for you, but when you find what does run with it.

I’m so sorry, but you are amazing.

Vicky.

1 Like

Hello Francesca
I am so very sorry that you have lost your husband. Life is so difficult to fathom out sometimes but you will survive this pain and build a future for yourself and your daughter…a different future from the one you had imagined but a future full of the love you have for her and the memory of the love your husband had for both of you. Vicky has given you some wonderful thoughts and others on this site will also reach out to you. You say that your little girl is nearly walking…hold her hand and match your steps to hers…take baby steps and live in the moment until you grow stronger
I shall think of you often…take care and keep posting.x.

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