Just lost my husband a little over 3 months ago. Not coping with it to well. How do you move on/deal with it and be able to manage day to day. We also have a 16 year old daughter that isn’t dealing with it that well. Any suggestions?
I’m so sorry to hear that you have lost your husband. Three months is not long at all, so try not to put any pressure on yourself to “move on” or “cope” - it’s important to allow yourself to grieve.
It is helpful to have outlets for your emotions, whether that’s by talking to supportive friends or family members, or by writing things down here on this site. You aren’t alone here, as we have lots of users who have been through similar experiences and will understand much of what you are feeling. While you wait for more replies to this post, you may want to read some of the other posts in the Losing a Partner section of the site to see what others are saying, and reply to them if you wish.
It is understandable that your daughter is struggling with losing her father at such a young age. We have some information on supporting a teenager with bereavement, which you may find helpful. It can also be helpful to let her someone at her school know if she is struggling, as they may be able to offer her more support, or point you in the direction of support for her.
Hi Little Angel
Know just how you feel. My husband died unexpectedly in October and I am finding it hard to cope each day. My son is also struggling with it and seems really depressed. I want to be able to help him but I am so low myself I don’t know what to say.
My sister has just sent me a text saying “Are you feeling better.” I feel like replying “No my whole life has imploded I am never going to feel better”. I am finding it really hard to motivate myself to do anything. I was hoping the start of the New Year would give me the push I needed to get going but I’m still feeling - What’s the point!
I am taking it one day at a time but every day feels so painful. I’ve tried reading inspirational texts, going out for coffee with friends, writing a ‘to do’ list but none of it helps.
I hope someone can give us some advice and show us how to get through this.
Sending you a hug
Yvonne
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Hello, Yvonne. I am really sorry about your loss and know how you feel. Just like you, I thought I would perhaps feel different when I woke up today but the desperate longing to have my husband back was still there and I had to force myself to get up. He died six months ago and I am still totally devastated. I am fed up with people telling me to go out and join this, that or the other, as if it would bring my husband back to me. I have joined a short-mat bowls group at the local church and the members are really kind and friendly but it hasn’t made a scrap of difference to my depression. I just want to be with him again. Sorry I couldn’t think of anything helpful to say to you but I know you will understand. I just hope that we can all find some peace of mind in the new year. Warm regards. Eileen xx
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Hi Eileen
Sorry you are feeling the same way too. Emotional pain is so hard to deal with. Maybe if we hadn’t had such happy marriages we wouldn’t feel the loss so badly.
I have just read in a book that relationships do not end with death. Although physically our husbands are not here we are still emotionally and spiritually joined to them. That is very much how I feel and why it is so hard to ‘move on’.
Well done you for joining the short-mat bowls group and replying to others on this forum. I am full of admiration for you as I know you are in your eighties. I am in my sixties and you are an inspiration to me. If you can get going then so can I.
All we can do is say to ourselves ‘tomorrow will be better’ and hope it will.
Yvonne X
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Hi littleangel
So sorry to hear about your loss, my husband died 4 weeks ago. I’ve been staying with my daughter, I had another sleepless night. I know I’ll have to go home soon, I was my husbands carer and we were together all the time. I’ve been to my home to pick up some clothes etc, and it’s so empty without him. Like you I’m not coping at all, to be able to talk to others in the same situation does help. My daughter is going to arrange bereavement counselling for me. I’ll be thinking of you and your daughter, and all the others who are grieving.
Janet
Hi Eileen and Yvonne
I got home to my own house yesterday and I found my feelings so mixed I felt heartbroken that George wasn’t there but also felt more settled at being in a place that all our memories are .
I slept last night for 8hours I had gone with out any sleep when George was in hospital that at one point I was seeing things the last six days he was in hospital till his passing I never slept or drank or even took any food in I just stayed in the room with George the most sleep I had been getting since George passed was two to three hours .
My middle son god love him is finding it so hard and I fell so ashamed that because of me being so heartbroken I fell I’m no god to any one .
I am hoping and praying that our husbands even though the are not with us in body are still with us because I don’t think I could go on thinking that the love we had for each other had totally gone I’m sorry I’m just going on and on I’m not having a good day I have forgotten what a good day is sorry .
Big hugs all round .
Lily
Hi, Lily. I am also having a bad day and wish I could just curl up and go to sleep. Instead, I am going to catch a bus to anywhere as long as it means getting out of this flat for a couple of hours. I was pleased to see that you have managed to get some sleep which is very important. I just wish the pain would go away but six months after I lost my husband I feel just as bad, if not worse.
I am pinning all my hopes on getting better when the days get longer and the weather warmer. Take care. Big hugs to you too. Eileen
Hi Eileen
I know how you feel I’m trying so hard to keep my self moving but I just want to scream as children we use the word unfair but as we become adults we don’t use the word but I am saying it all the time as I’m sitting with the tears running down my face it’s so so unfair.
My husband as I’m sure your husband was had an amazing out look on life he just loved life he was 6feet 2in and I’m 5feet 2in and he made me feel so safe and so loved god Eileen I’m just broken today I hope you got and about for a few hours and got some peace.
I hope in time we all start to feel some peace again I’m sorry just a bad day .
Big hugs
Lily
Hi lila angel.I lost my darling wife in December 2016 and the last year has been hard.
Things that helped were sleeping on her side of the bed, get a hot water bottle, it helps. Run a fan in the bedroom at night so your not listening to the silence. Finding a bereavement councilor and just crying it all out, just having some one to cry at helped a lot.
Talking to her photos as I go about the house telling her what I am doing is comforting. I find that If I keep my mind busy it helps, silence is the enemy for me.
We both used to play on Second Life and being able to go on there and chat to friends has been a big help for me.
Kevin,
Thank you for your comforting ideas. I have been sleeping on my husband side of the bed. I will try the fan as well. Tonight as I sit here trying to get through these messages I’m just so lost without him.
Thank you for your kind words. My daughter is home schooled so it’s just her and I. I can say I think she is doing a little better than I am.
Hi Scorpio,
Sorry to hear of your loss. That was my husband as well in September. September 18th he passed away unexpected. Think that’s why it’s the hardest. Without being able to prepare for it, not being able to tell him good bye or anything. I know the feeling. It’s just a whole new world without him here…
I try so hard to try and do things every day if not for me for my daughter so she will see that I am trying and hopefully keep her going when all I want to do is just give up.
Sorry to hear Janet. I’m just so lost for words as I sit here trying to think of what to say. I’m just so numb that I really don’t have a clue of what I’m really doing or talking about. I do wish you well and sorry for your loss
Kevin,
Sorry for your loss as well. I’m just so lost for words and feel so numb that most of the time I don’t know what I am doing or saying.
If you feel that you’d benefit from talking to someone one-on-one, you can give Cruse Bereavement a ring on 0808 808 1677. They also offer support groups and face-to-face support: https://www.cruse.org.uk/
Winston’s Wish can also offer advice on supporting your daughter: https://www.winstonswish.org/. Your GP can also refer either of you to more support services in your local area.
just like you I have lost my partner two months ago and I know how you feel it is very difficult I am staying on a croft on my own and recently have forced myself to go out and meet people and found it a great help, especially the local Clan organisation where I go every Thursday for a coffee and chat, it is surprising how many people just like us you meet, and that definitely helps, so if you have not already do so give it a try and also this site is very good, still struggling Hugh