Lose of wife

On the 3rd of November, 2018, my wife died from Paracetamol poisoning. She only went in for a cyst in her eye, however, in a very short time frame. She went into a coma and passed away. Just to make matters worse, if possible. We were living apart, due to her being a alcoholic as well. So I’m going through a spectrum of emotions, never knowing which is the right one to have. Her funeral is tomorrow, we also have 3 children too. Who are struggling to find good memories of her.

Hi Charlieboy

So sorry for the loss of your wife. It is early days for you and impossible for you and your children to make sense of it all. All you can do at the moment is get through tomorrow and then take things one day at a time. It will probably be several months before you are able to process what has happened. It is very hard living with an alcoholic. I know this because back in the 80’s I used to work in television and used to meet George Best every week for over a year. He was a lovely guy but his drinking destroyed his relationships. His family wanted to support him but had to walk away as they couldn’t bear to watch his self destruction. I believe Alcoholism is an illness. In time you and your children will come to realise the addiction was too strong for her to overcome. That doesn’t mean she didn’t love you. Something in her past must have led her to that path and it just spiralled out of control. You will one day be able to forgive and look back to see the person she truly was.

I also knew Calum Best when he was a little boy. George loved him to bits but ‘the drink’ meant he couldn’t be the father he wanted to be. Calum took several years to process what had happened but can now look back and know his father did the best he could.

Sorry for rambling on but wanted you to know in time you will feel differently. Put all thoughts if anger and blame aside tomorrow and celebrate your wife’s life and the fact that she gave you 3 wonderful children.

Yvonne

P.S. I have just retread my post - sorry if it feels like a lecture. It is sent with kindness and compassion.

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Hi Scorpio,
It won’t let me send a long reply??

These are the memories I can recollect. But sadly when I ask my children (22,19 & 16) for happy memories for the funeral tomorrow. They can’t remember any and they weren’t being spiteful either. I did however forgive her, whilst she was in a coma and told her. After years, that I still loved her. So I feel this will be my way of healing. But 2 of my children haven’t forgiven her yet. As their dad, I fully understand their views and respect them.

Regards,

Charlieboy

Hi Charlie

Your children will take time to forgive. They are still young and expect Parents to be without flaws. They are probably struggling with the questions “Why couldn’t she stop drinking if she loved us” “Was drink more important than us”. It must seem like a rejection to them. Like I said, it will take time for everyone to be able to forgive and understand the reasons. Often it takes years, so don’t be expecting too much of them. Despite what they say and feel they have lost their Mum and are hurting.They may even need to talk to someone who can help them process their feelings. However, this is not the time to be trying to work things out. It is the time for supporting each other and you reassuring them that you are here for them no matter what.

I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow and hoping you can find the strength to get through
the day.

Yvonne

Thanks Yvonne (I’m Kevin),
I think the timing of me going on this web site, was meant to be and of course getting your insightful responses. I describe the children and I, as a “new family”, when people outside our home ask. We also give each other unconditional love and cuddles on demand, without asking why. We also have a weird sense of humour (my fault),which we use in a timely manner. You are also right, that now is not the time to focus on what has, or what could have happened better, in our lives. Now is the time to grieve and be supportive of each other and continue to support each still. So thanks again for finding my post and finding the time to answer too.

Regards,

Kevin