Losing 2 brothers

Hi my first time of posting, I lost my eldest brother 7 years ago, we had to clear out his flat before his funeral, he had died there and the settee where he died, plus there was a lot of blood in the bathroom. We, his family had to clean it in a day as the council wanted the flat back. It was quite traumatic and I suffered bad dreams for quite a while after.
then 2 years ago my other brother died of cancer within 2 weeks of being diagnosed.
I was very close to both of them and I feel I haven’t coped well since. I still have both of my parents and want to look after them, they’ve been amazing but I feel it’s been a heavy burden. My middle brother was the one who was the one we all looked up to, very clever and at the top of his profession. There is no grave, his wife intends to spread his ashes in 2 places. She hasn’tHi my first time of posting, I lost my eldest brother 7 years ago, we had to clear out his flat before his funeral, he had died there and the settee where he died, plus there was a lot of blood in the bathroom. We, his family had to clean it in a day as the council wanted the flat back. It was quite traumatic and I suffered bad dreams for quite a while after.
then 2 years ago my other brother died of cancer within 2 weeks of being diagnosed.
I was very close to both of them and I feel I haven’t coped well since. I still have both of my parents and want to look after them, they’ve been amazing but I feel it’s been a heavy burden. My middle brother was the one who was the one we all looked up to, very clever and at the top of his profession. There is no grave, his wife intends to spread his ashes in 2 places. She hasn’t asked if I would like any little possessions of his.
I still have bouts of crying uncontrolled, I have pushed people away and feel sometimes very lonely, even though I have a husband and 2 children.
I feel angry and at times have wanted just to leave but will never as I know my parents need me.
How does everyone not get over but maybe learn to cope? I know that one day I will lose my parents, I just want to know I will be strong enough to cope.
asked if I would like any little possessions of his.
I still have bouts of crying uncontrolled, I have pushed people away and feel sometimes very lonely, even though I have a husband and 2 children.
I feel angry and at times have wanted just to leave but will never as I know my parents need me.
How does everyone not get over but maybe learn to cope? I know that one day I will lose my parents, I just want to know I will be strong enough to cope.

Dear SarahB73,

So sorry to read that you have gone thorugh two bereavements. The loss of your first brother sounds very traumatic, and the way the council put pressure on your family is beyond belief. They should have shown compassion. As a family, you probaby drew even closer to each other after losing him, and to then lose your second brother a few years later must have been such a blow. Even though that was 2 years ago, I can understand that you are still having bouts of crying, and feel very angry sometimes. Grief changes us, and it does not follow a time line. As someone on here has said: time does not heal, but it does help. It allows us to find ways to cope with the loss. How? That is different for each of us. Reading through the posts and replies on this site shows many different ways. What works for one person may not work for someone else. If you look back over the last 7 years, you can probably list things that have helped you.
I understand what you are saying about thinking of when you will one day lose your parents. I used to do that a lot when they were still alive, even though I knew there was not much point in worrying about it, as it might not happen for a very long time. As it happened, they both lived to a good old age. I hope the same will happen with your parents.
With regards to yiur sister in law, have you considered asking her if there is a personal momento of your brother that she could give to you? The fact she has not asked, does not have to mean she would not be willing to give you something if she knew how much that woud mean to you.
xx Jo