Losing a husband

Oh William I am so sorry to hear about your wife. My husband died 18 months ago after being diagnosed with Myeloma - he was a very active and fit person so it was devastating. I also feel very lonely and although my daughters are supportive they don’t live me so most of the time is spent alone. Are you working? I went back to work after 3 weeks and felt that really helped to keep some normality. It does get better with time - you just learn to cope with it better. I still have lots of very sad moments but I think I always will. Lots of love x

Hi
I’m so sorry for your loss and you’re right it’s devasting.
My wife had bowel which had spread to her liver,ovaries and lymph nodes.
She only got 3 weeks from diagnosis till she passed.
I’m due back to work next week but dreading meeting people and having to tell what happened over and over.
We also have our first grand child due in 7 days and she will never see or hold her it’s soul destroying.

William

My husband had bowel cancer. He lived 16 months after diagnosis and endured 20 rounds of chemo and surgery. Nothing worked but he was so amazing. I, too dreaded returning to work. In my head I sorted responses to give people and this helped. However, 9 months people rarely ask how I am. I listen whilst others moan about their partners! It’s all part of life’s rich tapestry. X

Hi
My wife never got a chance to fight they said it was so advanced that they could offer no treatment.How quickly people forget.Only we know what we are going through I would not wish this on my worst enemy.

William

Hi William. The fight was horrid. Bowel cancer with secondaries to the liver - just horrid.

Today I’ve spent the day in London with my youngest son and his wife. We’ve had a great day but sitting on the train going home is just sad. This is when I miss him very much. I’m going back to an empty house and won’t speak to anybody until tomorrow. X

Hi, I think the fight is horrendous. My lovely husband died on 28th July and for the last 6 months I watched as my handsome, fit, cheerful other half wasted away sometimes weeping about the situation he was in .He had a form of head and neck cancer that gradually opened a raw wound across his whole forehead and down one side of his face, including his eye. I will never know how he endured the frequent painfull changing of the dressings and the other pain as the cancer turned inwards. I am crying now as I talk about it. I don’t want to talk to friends about how he wept because he hid it from people, always trying to appear ok. I just want him back but as he was before all the suffering, We only needed each other, so friends and my two lovely grown children can’t fill the space, even though they try.
.

Hi
Yes I don’t think people understand that it’s not going out it’s coming home to nothing is horrible.just keep chatting on here it has been a great help to me someone always chats back.

William

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Hi William and Toria. I’m home! Migh as well tell you guys! Had a great day. I’m now sitting in bed eating toast with a huge mug of tea. Here’s to a good night sleep. X

Hi
Good on you.
Have a great nights sleep

William

Hi I’m really glad you had a good day. Hopefully you will have a good night’s sleep.I’m still at the stage of staying up quite late in the hopes I will get some sleep.

I haven’t been on here for a while - I just wanted to say Hi to everyone and I hope that you are all ‘coping’ ok - I seem to be feeling worse now than I did in the early days - probably because the busy bit has calmed down now and I have more time to just sit and think - I find that my end of the day is my worse time of day - I know that every one is different tho and I hope that you are all getting through your days as best you can. The support that we all have around us is crucial and its places like this and good old Facebook that can be such a great help to get through each day - thats how I seem to be coping at the moment - one day at a time.

Hi Tracey, I am also feeling worse than in the ear.ier days (although it is still only 8weeks). I tell everyone the end of the day is the worst time. I go to bed later and later to avoid the moment when I have to turn the tv and the lights off. I don’t think I will ever het used to living alone, it is something I have never done. 'll,e you I take a day at a time, some good some awful. Luv Toria

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I haven’t been on for a while. It’s 10 months since my lovely husband died. I miss him very much. The loneliness is the worst and not sharing with him. My youngest son was married in April and quite frankly looking back I seemed to get through the day but struggle to remember much about it. I’ve concentrated on keeping myself well and have lost weight and got myself fitter. Last night it was sad watching “strictly”on my own. We always loved this and had a glass of wine.

I’m prepared that the next 8 weeks are going to be tough. This time last year he was getting weaker and weaker and he was so sad.

I’ve got a good caring family and a handful of brilliant friends.

:heart::heart:

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Hi I also watched Strictly on my own, where Peter and I could chat about it. I have been trying to figure out which bit of grief is worst and I think it is fear. As long as Peter was here I felt safe no matter what happened and now I don’t. I worry about things that would never have bothered me. I dont even know what my fear is about. I feel so lost.

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Hi Toria Yes, I can identify with fearfulness. Any little twinge and I imagine a tumour! I also think the worst is going to happen all the time. Today has been a sad day …

I know exactly what you are feeling. I get that too. I seem to feel panicky over the smallest of things. I think it’s that Carl and I planned and discussed everything. Now I have to make every decision no matter how small. It’s as if I’ve suddenly become an anxious person and my self confidence seems to have reduced a lot. It is a feeling that I’m lost. It’s a word I use often now as I’m feeling lost in this world without my lovely husband. It’s a horrible feeling. Today had been a sadder day for me too. I say sadder as I always feel sad just worse today. Xxx

I totally agree when it comes to making decisions James would deal with all the financial stuff now I have to do that we always asked each other for advice now I’m left to make all the decisions it’s quite frightening sometimes as I’m not the most confident as it is.

Christine x

Hi Christine
It is frightening isn’t it. It’s not that we can’t do it either. It’s that lonely feeling knowing you can’t share your concerns with your other half. It’s not like I never made a decision when Carl was here, but I knew I could ask his advice if I needed to. It’s knowing I can’t that’s so scary and sad. It just adds to the loneliness that comes with living without him. I hate not sharing. We did share everything. Carl would sense if I was worried or concerned about anything and was always there with a reassuring smile or advice and just being with him made everything alright. I am so lost without him.
I talk to him when I’m doing things and say if you think it’s not right give me a sign. It’s my way of getting through.
Linda xxxx

My husband died in August after a 2 year battle against IPF. We were married for 46 years and he was my best friend. Its so hard, how do people cope with this? It just seems to get more difficult not easier.

I can relate to the fear - I have had vertigo for the past couple of weeks and feeling poorly added to the feeling of being alone and scared having to deal with it by myself where Phill would have normally been there helping me.