Losing a lot all at once

Hi all, new here. My dad has been battling cancer for about 8 months and its getting near the end. On top of that, my mom will be selling the house i grew up in (its much to big for her now, especially soon to be on her own), and in the fall out of this all i will be moving away from a city I’ve lived in for the last 5 years to be closer to her. That’s a lot of goodbyes all at once. I’m in my mid 20s, i am just getting my head around being an “adult” and I don’t feel like i’ll ever really be okay again. This all happened so fast. How do i make it through all of this?

Hi, I’m so sorry to hear that your Dad has been battling cancer for the last 8 months. That’s difficult enough to cope with as well as moving homes. There’s so much change happening for you right now I can understand you feeling you’ll never be ok again. You will, it just takes time.Too many changes at the same time can be overwhelming for you. Are you able to talk to your Mum about how you’re feeling, are you close to her? It’s really important that you feel you have support and someone to talk to about your feelings/emotions. There are loads of really supportive caring people on the forum so please keep posting and sharing how you’re doing. Looking after yourself is also really important, eating well and getting enough sleep will help, I know that can be difficult when you feel the world has been turned upside down. Take care for now x

Hi,

Another one saying it will take time after your Dad passes away. I am so sorry, 8 months is an eternity when you love someone and don’t like to see them ill. My Mum passed away 18 months ago and it took a year to sort out everything so nothing is going to happen too fast.

You will be alright, we sold my childhood home after Mum and I had to find somewhere new. I have, and I am very happy with my new house but it will be a long time before I really feel it is ‘Home’.

As mentioned by tlang, take care of yourself and do little things to spoil yourself. You are important and need to keep healthy in the months ahead of you not just for your Mum but for yourself. You will get lots of support on this forum, I certainly have, especially from Sheila who has commented here.

Mel

Thank you all so much for your comments-- when this all started I didn’t want to reach out both because I hoped if I ignored it, it would go away, and also because it felt wrong to ask others who are grieving for support, when I didn’t know how to offer any myself. I know both of those things aren’t true now.

My mum and dad had been planning to move for awhile, as all of us kids are out of the house, but thank you for confirming that it isn’t really all at once at all, it’s a process. I always kind of thought they’d hold onto the house and I could have it one day but even if dad never got sick, I don’t think they were going to do that. I will miss the garden the most because my dad loved looking after his plants.

I haven’t actually been physically around, due to living far away, for most of this journey. I am going to visit, for potentially the last time, in a few days. I am terrified, again, I guess because I am still kind of in denial that this is all happening.

My mum is trying to be really strong for me and my siblings (I am the oldest), and she has always been the type to just put her head down and get on with it. I am trying to be strong too so she doesn’t always have to, but I really just feel like a scared little kid.

I can’t thank you all enough for your support-- it feels really comforting knowing someone took the time to help me feel less alone, and also knowing that there are strong people out there that faced loss head on, and came out the other side one way or another.

<3

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Seconding that. Why not take some of your Dad’s favourite plants from the garden when you have sold the house. As long as you put a rough idea of what you are taking in the forms that have to be filled in you will be fine to do so. I have a garden full of Mums and my favourites from the previous garden. They make a good memory to look at though discovered this morning one cutting has not survived the winter.

Plants are a lasting memory to look at I feel. I have a camellia coming into flower of my Mums which I am looking forward to in the next few weeks. That was a job digging up as is nearly as tall as me! I watch my plants budding and coming into flower and when they do think to myself, I have got through another few weeks relatively unscathed.

From thinking, that is another day I have got through I now think in weeks so that has got to be an improvement.

T42197 take each day as it comes and enjoy every minute with your Dad.

Hi all,

I just wanted to update you after all of your kind messages. I’m home now with my family. My dad is very very poorly and this is excruciatingly hard though i am findimg strength i didn’t know i had when i am around him (though i had trouble sleeping and was lucky that the family cat decided to keep me company). My mother is an absolute rock and her strength astounds me as a fulltime carer. I’m struggling with wanting dad’s suffering to be over as soon as possible while also knowing that means not having him anymore, but the best parts of who he was are gone already. The grief already feels too big to hold but i take heart knowing that I’m not alone in it. Thank you all again for kind words during this awful time.

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