Anyone else here lost a narc parent? I did a year and a half ago and it has been a very complicated thing to deal with. For me, it already felt like I had no mother, like I had already lost her and had to sorta grieve that, but she was alive and I had to deal with her & her abusive ways 24/7/365 But then she died and Now I am kinda grieving again, in a whole other way.
What further complicates things for me, was I saw her collapsed, I thought she had just passed out, as she had severe stomach pains and hadn’t been well or eaten much. I leant over shook her and went “mum” to try and get a response, only to realise just before paramedics came (dad had called them and didn’t alert me that he thought she was dead, just that she had collapsed) That, she was indeed probably dead.
I had never seen a dead body before and it irked me that my first one was my mother and in an unexpected sudden manner. It has been very difficult living in the exact same house she died… Every single day, I see where she died. and it is tough.
I have no family (I come from a very messed up broken family) & I have no friends (because I am very severely chronically ill and cannot get out much & my only best friend died aged 35 suddenly in 2012) & I have no partner either, So I am all alone in my grief. (my dad is a psychotic person himself )
Any ideas how to help myself deal with this complicated situation. How to get my head around it all better. How does one not only deal with a parent’s sudden death, quite young, but also the complications that come along with being the daughter of an abusive narc?
I am at a loss, I really am