Losing a parent

I feel a little silly writing this as I am 52 years old and know I am very lucky to have had two parents who I adore and who love me back for as long as I have. My dad had a massive stroke in February and another one a month ago, he now hardly recognises us and has gone from one minute being a very fit 82 year old living in Spain half the year and playing golf etc, to this, although he is physically still here I have lost my dad and am grieving badly, and feel so guilty for saying this but would like him to gently slip away as the essence of him has gone anyway and he doesn’t know where he is or what is happening,
My mum has been in hospital for 4 months and has heart failure and bad leg circulation problems and my step mum has been having treatment for breast cancer. I adore them all and am feeling completely overwhelmed. I realise this is a natural part of life and they are all old but it doesn’t make it any easier

Hello JessBen,

Please don’t feel silly - our parents are our parents and losing them at any age is never easy.

I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through so much and it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed. It is normal to begin grieving at this stage and this is often called anticipatory grief. What’s Your Grief have a really good article explaining what this is and some suggestions for how to cope here: https://whatsyourgrief.com/anticipatory-grief/

I hope that article helps. I’m sure you’ll get some supportive replies from this community soon, but in the meantime please know that you’re not alone and we’re here to support you.

Take care and let me know if there’s anything I can do.

Best wishes,

Thank you so much Eleanor for your kind words and the article which I shall read now

this phase of life is the ugliest. nothing helps. it is something you have to go through. after my mother had her stroke, I kept thinking … I miss my mother. a part of her left. it is a hard time … it just is. the best you can do, is always let them know how much they mean to you. that will bring them great happiness and satisfaction.

Back to top