Losing a parent

I lost my mum in May 2023, 10 days before I gave birth to my first child, her first grandchild. It was and is still so very hard. I don’t know if I’ve had the chance to properly grieve. My son was 3 weeks old by the time the funeral came around so it was the first time I had to leave him which I carry guilt for. I carry so much guilt with me surrounding all of it, guilty she never got to meet him and him her, guilty for leaving him, guilty because I just had to get up and carry on even though my world had fallen apart, guilty for smiling at my son when my dad was crying for my mum. I feel that with the amount of time that has passed since losing her that many people around me believe I should now have dealt with it and to stop crying over the whole thing. I’m not really sure what I am looking for here but I think I just need to get things from off my shoulders.

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I’m so sorry to hear about your mum it’s the worst time ever… a very difficult time of both happiness giving birth then sadness at losing your mum. I think it’s so normal what you are going through though and of course you’re going to smile with a new bundle of joy. When my mum passed away three years ago my dad was lost and none of his girls felt we were allowed to grieve as in his eyes it was his wife that had died he seemed to not understand her girls were also grieving. It’s a really tough time and I’m sure your mum will be looking down with pride at her new grandchild… keep smiling xx

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Thank you very much for your message. That must have been very hard for you. I do hope she’s watching us. :brown_heart: xx

I believe they are and always look for the signs… may be silly to others but gives me comfort. Look after your dad… he needs you to xx

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I most definitely do look for signs. She always believed in that too. I am trying my best to look after him. Thank you for being so kind. Xx

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I lost my dad this week on what would have been his 81st birthday. He went to bed and mom found him on the bedroom floor, he had no heart problems, and because it was sudden has been referred to the coroner which makes everything so hard as we cannot arrange anything. I just feel so guilty, I phoned him the day before but keep thinking I should have phoned later on before he went to bed to check on him. Maybe then I could have saved him. We were incredibly close I was an only child and we had the same personality I have never felt grief like this. I wonder if my children will remember him they are 5 and 4 so have not had many years with him. My dad loved my grandkids so much and knowing that I and them will never see him again is to much. I also worry how mom will copy she was married to him for 55 years and both totally devoted to each other.

Oh I am so sorry to hear this. Must be so hard for you. You mustn’t blame yourself. I know it’s so much easier said than done. I am an only child too. My dad was my mums full time carer for over 20 years, they were married for 40 and now he’s just so lost. He lives an hour away from me and it feels like he’s so much further away, he’s been ill recently which means I can’t go as much as I’d like as I have no one to care for my son where I am. I do take peace in that she’s no longer suffering and she missed her parents so very much, and some believe and some people don’t but she’s with them now. Hold on to all the amazing memories you have because they will get you through. Xx

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Thank you for your kind words

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You’re more than welcome. Take care. X