My dear husband passed away in January 2019 and I am so glad I have found this place of comfort where I can find people who have so many of the feelings I have felt. I cannot fault the support of friends but they understand that they cannot relate to the loss of a partner.
I miss him so much… the person I could talk to about everything however small and insignificant. The person who would be there to give me a hug. The person to plan things with. He was a family man and I am fortunate to have 2 supportive children and 2 young grandchildren all of whom he loved so much.
I was so upset when I found I had nothing to remember his voice by until recently I came across some videos with Derek in them and I just cried with relief. It had been bothering me for so long that in spite of being married for over 35 years I panicked that I couldn’t remember his voice.
I still am having difficulties coming to terms with how on 30 September 2018 we spent a lovely day on the Thames on the Waverley steamboat and then 3 months later he was gone. I spend time thinking I wish I had done this or that but know deep down that I did my best. Like many, with hindsight and the knowledge I have now after looking after my husband I would have approached things differently. It is that realisation of not getting a second chance to use that knowledge with him that upsets me.
Derek and I took every opportunity to enjoy life and those memories keep me going. He was quite a bit older than me and I am still working (with a supportive company) which helps. I tell my friends with partners to make the most of the time they have with them.
Thank you for reading this and for finding others who I can relate to.