I’ve never been part of a group before, but felt this might be a way to help me. I lost both of my parents 24hrs apart. Both deaths unexpected. I was extremely close to both parents. It’s been nearly a year, while I go to work etc I feel I’ve completely changed. It’s like walking through a fog every single day. Tears can come from no where, it’s like a tidal wave. Never had this feeling before. I go to work etc but just feel so sad all the time. I know my parents wouldn’t want this for me but it’s hard. My friends etc ask me how I am but even if I start to tell them it’s like they switch off, then I feel like I’m like a broken record and people are getting sick of me. You always know one day you’ll lose your parent (s) but you just can never envisage what it’s going to be like after they are gone. Never dreamed I’d lose them so close together. Thanks for reading x
My goodness that is devastating, no wonder you’re struggling. The shock of losing both your parents so close together will take time to process and adjust to. Take things it as they come without expectations. There’s lots of support on here, so keep posting. Best wishes xx
I feel the same, l lost my Dad this week. He is and always will be my best friend.
I am devasted and have been mostly broken down and crying.
I do get little moments of calmness, mainly due to exhaustion, but l am trying to not feel guilty when l feel ok.
Thats as far as ive got. I have a funeral to come and much more grief.
But l am going to try and smile when l can, try to remember all the amazing moments and try hard not to feel guilty when l feel ok.
Its what Dad would want me to do, to be strong and amazing like him.
Feel free to keep in touch with me and l will keep you posted with how l am doing.
I am new on here too and need support.
Hope this helps.
Hi Trixie. I lost both parents last December, three weeks apart. It’s such a shock even though part expected. I’ve found grief coaching really helpful alongside working with a nutritionist. It really hit my physical health as well as mental health. Sending kind wishes.
I went through all this in the beginning, the voice in my head says “keep going, they’d wouldn’t want you to be sad”. One thing I’ve realised is there is manual to grief but maybe people who have been through similar circumstances maybe shall help. It is very early days for you. Take one day at a time. Baby steps. Sending you best wishes
Thank you for advice. That sounds like a good idea.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I lost my mum and dad within 4 days of each other last year so I understand what you are going through. Life is so very cruel. Sending hugs x
I am so sorry for your loss too. Could never ever have imagined it ever. Think of them every single day. Sending you strength and hugs x
Thank you so much x
I lost my mum in June to cancer and my dad 1.5 years prior to that to dementia. Although I don’t think we processed that with everything going on, They were both 74 when they passed.
Healthy, fit and then dad got dementia. And then right when covid started my mum, who was unbelievable for her age, got diagnosed with cancer. It was such a shock. And now they are both gone.
I don’t really know how you get through it, just take it day by day.
I’m having a really bad day today, was sat in work, and then bam! The realisation that they are not here hit me straight in the face. And it was like I just found out my mum had died, I was close to having a panic attack I think. Ended up taking some private deep breaths and got on with it.
Think that’s what I’m trying to say, it’s so so hard, like you, I’m just walking through a fog. I’m meant to have an interview for a new, better job, on Monday, but I’m going to have to pull out. I literally can’t face any big change right now.
And I completely understand about friends, unless you go through it, you just don’t know how hard it is. I have a couple that check in on me, but the majority just think I’m ok now, and it’s all back to normal. I know they feel for me, but they just don’t realise the level of pain. I want to shout out what we went through as they have no idea how tough it was.
I feel so angry….why my parents, why us, why me?
I guess we have to grieve when we need and take the moments in between as a bonus. The only problem I’m finding is that if I ‘enjoy’ myself or forget for a while it hits me ten times harder again when I sit quietly. My stomach turns.
I hope you find it gets a little easier each day, I think it will be a long journey, but I guess we have no choice but to try and live again, if not for ourselves, then for our parents. Perhaps easier said than done. Sorry I don’t have a magic cure.
Hi Lottie, I am so sorry for your loss of both parents too. I feel one day it shall get easier just don’t know when. Emotions for me change so so quickly, never been like this. My partner doesn’t know what to do/say. In that moment I just want to be on my own. I know I have friends that care but they have no idea on what I’m actually experiencing. It’s not their fault, life goes on. The rat race they continue on. I just feel I’m left behind at a crossroads and have no idea where to go. I’m so lucky with my employer, they are so patient with me as I have constant brain fog at the moment. I look at old photos etc and I’ll smile at thought of memories. I know they wouldn’t want me to be sad all the time. I just need to believe that one day it’ll get a little easier. I’m sending you some strength and big hugs xx
@Trixie41 I am so sorry for your loss. I know what you mean about the fog and the feeling of sadness and the tears from nowhere. I can be driving along in my car mind completely elsewhere and something will just set me off. I have also lost my parents, 7 months apart. They were old and not in the best of health but both deaths shocked me. Dad died of something totally unrelated to his failing health condition and mum just faded away. I don’t think people are sick of you, unless they have been through it they don’t understand. I find it hard to talk to people I know about my feelings because I feel they don’t understand as they haven’t been through this. This site is helpful because people are ‘strangers’ for want of a better word who are in the same or similar situation. If I have learnt anything over the past few days it is, look after yourself. Don’t worry about what others think, your emotions are a normal reaction. I have hope that my sadness will eventually become more manageable and that I will return to some sort of normality eventually. I know I won’t stop missing them but I hope my coping will be better. I hope this for you as well. Writing on here is helping me so do look at some other people’s stories. I am finding it helpful because I can see they are the same as me.
@Lottie1 so sorry for your loss. Your reply has just resonated so much with me. The sudden remembering. The feeling when I am alone. The panic attacks. I have just been signed off for 3 weeks. I had ‘coped’ at the start (a year ago this week) Flung myself back into work, took care of mum (who had dementia) then she died 7 months later. When I look back I wasn’t coping. I would be crying when I was on my own. I cried every day driving home from work. I wake up in the early hours feeling so sad, but I ‘coped’ then suddenly I didn’t. I think it is my time to grieve now. I have spoken to my GP and he said this to me. ‘it is your time’ I think we just need the space and time to grieve and to be able to take that time when we need as you said. I have hope it will get better. Thank you for your message it is comforting to know others feel the same way.
Yes, it definitely feels like the world is carrying on around me, and I’m stood still with tears rolling down my cheeks. It’s so hard, isn’t it. Exercise helps me, jogging in nature, saying hello to squirrels and listening to birds chirping. Sounds a bit weird but it gives me comfort.
I get a bit envious of others, living a seemingly carefree life.
One day we’ll hopefully smile again and get to enjoy what the world can offer.
Sorry to hear you are going through similar feelings. It’s too much sometimes.
We definitely need to let ourselves grieve, it’s a huge loss. I have sisters, I have a partner, but no children. My parents were my ‘family’ …I don’t have children to take care of, I don’t have the standard family set up…it’s really sad. I never realised how much that would be a factor. How alone I would feel once they were gone. And I’m not alone, I have lots of people, just not ‘my family’.
Just take time out, as long as you need. I put pressure on myself sometimes, say to myself ‘life’s short, get out there’ but I need to take this year, at least, to get in a better place. You take the time needed too.
I am the same. I have no children. I have a partner and friends. But still feel alone. Others say to me (they’ve lost parents), I just got on with things. I am. Never had time off since their death. I’m functioning. But I just feel so different inside. It’s so hard to explain. The other kind replies I’ve received, so right. I’ve felt being outside/exercise, being around nature helps but then when on a downer it’s sit on bottom eating too much! I know I’ll get there. It is just good to relate to others here, as I have no one else that had experienced this x
So sorry I missed this on thread. I’m so so sorry for your loss. It is devastating. Totally devastating. You are at a very early stage of grief. It’s a rollercoaster. Just take one day at a time. Baby steps. Be kind to yourself. In the beginning I cried so much, kept looking at old photos/videos. Then my brain said try and be ok. As my parents would not want me to be so sad forever. But it’s so so hard. Sending you strength and a big hug