Losing both parents

My dad passed away 7 weeks ago from a sudden catastrophic brain haemorrhage, my mum died 4 years ago from pancreatic cancer. I had only just started to get my head around losing mum and me amd dad were so close after mum died. Life can he so cruel. Im an only child and not in touch with dads side of family out of choice. I am blessed to have amazing friends but yet I feel so lonely and lost.

Omg, Alex. Thats a lot for anyone to deal with. I realized that its so difficult for anyone to understand, unless,they ve actually been through it. U will be ok, but it just takes a of time amd a lot of tlc. Just focus on what ur parents wanted for u. Lole any parent, they would have wanted u tp be happy. Hard, im sure. But, non the less, happy. Thats the best way to honour them.xx

Thank you Theresa41, yesterday was just one of those days where it all felt very overwhelming.

Losing both parents is really weird. I keep meeting people much older than me who have their parents and I feel like a little kid- just really confused because it seems so wrong not to have mine. I had some brilliant online counselling from Sue Ryder last year and that helped me to accept that it is really weird and not that many people lose both parents at the age I am. Just acknowledging that helped me. My dad died very suddenly and my mum died of pancreatic cancer too. My heart goes out to you. Finding other people in the same boat has really helped me or it can just be really isolating. I really recommend the counselling too. X

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Thank you Greg7, it certainly is a weird feeling. Im 32 and in my friendship group only one friend has lost a parent. So it is hard for them to fully understand. Its a profound life changing event that we now have to adjust to. Thank you i will look into that.

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Dear Alex I do so know how you feel, I lost my mum 3 years ago to pancreatic cancer the worst thing I’ve ever witnessed… like you I was so close to both my mum and dad but me and dad were so close after mum we were both each other’s crutch. Dad was demanding at times as was in his 80’s and was heart broken by my mum dying his wife for 59 years. 3 years on my beautiful dad has just passed also and even though I have a 20 month old and 2 older children and lovely family around I have never felt so alone like some one set me adrift and I can’t get back. I feel so sad inside I miss my dad terribly as I do my mum it’s the strangest hardest thing to have no parents so scary. Sorry going on I hope it helps to know your not alone with how you feel xx

Hi Alex,

I can’t offer any words of advice, but I guess letting you know you’re not alone.
I lost my Mum over 12 years ago to an undiagnosed heart condition and lost my Dad 3 months ago unexpectedly.
My Dad and I became best friends after losing Mum, I understand the lonely and lost feeling, I feel like one morning I woke up into an alternate universe where things look the same but everything is different.

I’m doing the online counselling that Sue Ryder offer, I would recommend, it’s early days but at least we’re not entirely alone in trying to navigate these new worlds.

Amanda x

Im so sorry to hear you have had to go through this too, my mum survived fir 2 years with pancreatic cancer but the last few months if her life was filled with so much pain and difficult symptoms to manage, such a long time to be married ro someone and have them go, my mum snd dad were married 42 years. Even though I have amazing friends they dont truly understand what it feels like. Im trying to do things to keep their memories alive, making photo albums and scrapbooks so if I have children they will get an idea of who their grandparents were. Xx

Hi,

I lost my mum 11 weeks ago to a catastrophic brain hemorrhage too. There were no signs this could happen and I will never know why. She had just had routine surgery under local anaesthetic and told the surgeon her left arm felt numb.sge then went unconscious and never woke again.
We turned her life support off the following day and 11 weeks later I am left in shock with no idea what happened.
My dad had a major heart attack and died instantly when I was 27, so I am now an orphan.
I also feel lonely and lost even though I have a loving partner and a 12 year old daughter who is devastated at the loss of her nan.
Life is really cruel and unfair

Thinking of you.

Hi C1971,

Sorry to hear you have had to go through that too, it happened out of the blue with dad, one day fine next day collapsed and found by his friend as I dont live nearby. Theres just no logic to some events is there. Its so hard not having parents to turn to, 9 weeks on Im still in shock that my surviving parent is no longer here . I went back to work yesterday after taking time off and first person I wanted to tell about my day was my dad, miss him so much.

I know it’s awful.
My mum moved in with us a year ago as it made sense. We had plenty of room and she would have company, help with my daughter and have my help in coming years.
However she was shopping and landscaping the garden one day, gone the next. If it was a heart attack I could accept that more as I have experience of my dad dying of one.
However strokes and brain hemorrhages have never affected our family so this is a new concept.
Did your dad die instantly? As mum was already in hospital she was seen immediately by a team of specialists and still nothing could be done. Thd bleeding was too severe and was deep in the brain. We were told she would pass away naturally that night or we would need to switch her life support the following day. After doing brain stem tests and finding that mum was brain dead we turned it off. Just 24 hours earlier we had been laughing and chatting in the hospital waiting room looking at all the people having day surgeries that day.
I honestly feel that I will never recover from what has happened.
The loss is compounded now that I have no parent and I feel like a helpless child.
I am finding forums like this great as there are so many people in our situation.
I also have friends who have lost both parents too.

Hi, my dad had a severe bleed he also had aspiration pneumonia from choking on his own vomit, the drs wanted to treat the infection to see if his neurological condition would improve, it didnt and after several meetings the kindest decision was reached for him to have all life sustaining treatment removed, once that decision was made he was put on palliative care and had a syringe driver and lasted 10 days, they were agonising days seeing him drift away bit by bit, also tormenting myself about the decision, did we give up on him too soon etc.
Its so hard to come to terms with it when theres no warning and your mum sounded like she was living her life to the fullest.
What im finding hard is everyone expecting you to get on with life again and be happy when theres a gaping hole. I take each day now and try and be kind on myself if i haven’t had a good day. Xxxx

I totally agree. I dont know how I will ever get used to this.
I have never taken sick leave in 16 years in my job. I was given compassionate leave until ths funeral which was great. However the day after I was feeling inconsolable and went to my doctors.i have now been signed off for 8 weeks and have today been given another 4 weeks off.
I feel sure my work think I have had a lovely summer off work and probably think I am milking this situation
In all honesty I have no idea how i have got through. I have spent hours just staring into space and even now i cant sit and watch tv or go food shopping for more than a few items.
The phone has hardly rung and I get annoyed seeing mums family on Facebook having barbecues or celebrating a birthday.

You have to take the time that you need, its certainly no holiday, grieving is such tiring work and you need to put your mind and body first ahead of work at the moment. I have found writing an online blog helpful and gets out some of the thoughts that circulate round and round in my head. I have a lot of good friends but only 1 has lost one parent so they dont fully understand. This online forum has been a source of comfort to see that Im not the only one going through this. Xxx

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