Dad passed 4th December 2023 he was 78, he had lived with me, hubby and fur babies for 15 years.
He had colon cancer 2018 got the all clear after chemo, last year he didn’t feel right back on the chemo (2 further rounds) on a break before starting another course. Got a lump in his jaw in June, diagnosed October 17th with jaw cancer & would be given palliative treatment, had 1 round of radiotherapy.
He went downhill so quickly & said he’d go in a hospice as he didn’t want to be a burden it’s the first time I’d ever seen my Dad cry I had already said to him no matter what he’d be cared for my me & Hubby.
Visit from Brother, lives in America & Sister lives in Cumbria. The week they were here he held his own day after they left 24th November he said he was tired & I said go to bed so he could stretch out & be comfortable, that’s the last time he saw his living room he then rapidly declined, my Sister returned & she was here with me till the end. I’m writing this in such pain & upset & I can’t see a way forward it feels unreal.
My Hubby has been there for me but I can’t help but feel I’m suppose to move on now that I’ve had my couple of weeks & that’s that.
Ive not just lost my Dad Ive lost a friend this person who lived with us, who decorated the rooms, who would go with the flow of carrying out my quirky requests of decorating furniture, who would relish putting up a flat pack, who took out the fur babies on walks who he adored.
Anything I asked my Dad for help with he was always there and said ‘not a problem’ no matter what. I just feel so lost, he loved Christmas, I love Christmas but Christmas isn’t in our house this year. I asked that no cards or flowers sent, then people ask you are you ok…NO I’m not I don’t want to be asked but I know it’s what we do part of a normal conversation.
I feel so sad not just for me but for everyone on this forum & the hurt they feel wondering if it will ever be ok.
I was contacted yesterday to be told my Dad’s ashes are ready to collect, this person my Dad is now just memories & ashes it just doesn’t feel right, fair I’m so many emotions I feel I’m going to explode.
To anyone who reads this Thank you 
Hi @Willow12,
I’m Kate, part of the Sue Ryder Online Community team. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad and how you are feeling.
I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I also wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Kate
Sue Ryder Online Community team
Don’t feel you “should” be over it. Dad and I lived together as well and I’m a complete mess after several weeks. Living with them and then losing them turns your world upside down. The absence is horrendous, you do things with them and they are always there for support. It isn’t fair and it isn’t right. I get that and I’m so sorry for your loss. 
Your dad sounds amazing, like mine 
.
The whole local community relied on my dad: he was a school governor for over 40 years and was still teaching children at the time of his sudden passing. He was also on church committees and fixing all of their network issues.
I understand that the grief lasts as long as the love, and the love I have for my amazing dad is going nowhere. x
Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply to me, it means so much that you’ve taken the time, especially as your all going through your grief too. My Mum arrived yesterday they were divorced but having here here has brought lots of tears as I’ve been able to just be me.
Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply to me, it means so much that you’ve taken the time, especially as your all going through your grief too. My Mum arrived yesterday they were divorced but having here here has brought lots of tears as I’ve been able to just be me.
My father pass away on the 3rd December after a very short illness. He died of mesothelioma my life will never be the same without him. He was my life I totally understand how you feel.
Sorry to not have replied sooner, I’m going through a denial stage. So sorry for your loss too, sending you huge hugs. As you know yourself it’s not just losing a Dad it’s losing the person that you lived with & all rooms have parts of him. I go in his bedroom each night telling him I luv & miss him. Today is a really bad day for me. I’m so angry people saying Happy New Year & hope Christmas was a good one. Xx
My heart breaks for you it truly does, each day seems to just blur to the next one that we are just going through motions of life at the moment. I’m sorry I’m rambling today my day has been so bad & hearing / seeing anyone say Happy New Year is making me so angry as it’s not.
I’m so sorry for not replying sooner, I’m not even sure if I’m replying properly to people, I’ve got a bit confused so I hope this reaches you & thank you for sharing with me what a wonderful Dad you also had. Being a governor he must of been very well known by so many & enriched lives he encountered. Today has been dreadful for me with such upset, sending you huge hugs.
I can’t decide if it’s worse or better to have all these reminders. His stuff is everywhere and some things are like he just left them (which he did). It hurts something dreadful, but at least it’s traces of him. I have and am in denial too, not wanting it to be true. I’m sorry you had a really bad day, these days come and go, though all since Christmas have been pretty bad for me, to be honest. Sending hugs!
I know what you mean about having stuff all around. I have a photo of him & me that we took in October when we were at the Hospital the backdrop is of a lovely countryside which makes us look like we are there. It’s right where I sit & I’m unsure at this moment to move it to the next shelf up as I keep looking & the tears just flow.
We were discussing moving this year we were all excited about moving to a bungalow with a big garden fir our fur babies, Dad excited as we’d have a new home to put our stamp on, now the thought of leaving our house terrifies me.
Your right all their belongings / life are just left in time. I’m so sorry for your hard / upsetting days. The one thing I’ve realised since first posting if & anytime my tears want to come they do.
Huge hugs lovely
Thank you Willow, and hugs to you, too. 
I haven’t been able to look at pictures yet. I think it’s a trial and error thing, if it feels bad take it down for a bit and try later on. I can relate to the terrified of leaving the house feeling, I have it too. All big decisions will have to wait, I think.
Your right everything is too soon & raw. My head keeps overthinking & I have to be more gentle on myself as I reals theres no right or wrong way to dealing with grief. This has definitely shown me how much of a void your life can feel. Hugs lovely xxx