Losing dad

6 weeks ago my world fell apart, got the phone call off my mom to ring for a ambulance (my mom is fully blind), my dad had collapsed massive heart attack. As well as trying to come to terms with losing my dad we now have to care for my mom, me and my sisters lives have totally changed.
When I am at work I feel lost lonely and like I am on a rollercoaster of emotions, I was always a daddy girl took care of him where do I go from here

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Hello @Kaz170124,

I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your dad that brings you here.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,


Hi Kaz,

If it’s not helping you to be at work then I’d recommend asking your GP for a fit note. 6 weeks is not a long time to try to cope with the shock and trauma. I’m 3+ months on, and I only just returned to work on a phased return yesterday.

I’m so sorry for your loss @Kaz170124. My Dad passed away in November and when he was taken into hospital, following a collapse at home and being taken by ambulance, we thought he had a chest infection but it turned out to be pneumonia and he never responded to the medication and lost his fight 12 days later. It didn’t seem possible that he wasn’t able to recover and I still can’t get my head around that.
You saying that you life has now totally changed with being one of your Mum’s carers - that’s so hard and my heart goes out to you. When my Dad was in hospital I stayed at night with my Mum and I’ve never left! I go home during the day but I’m finding it so difficult to split my time between my house/husband/pets and my Mum’s need for company. She doesn’t want to be in her house on her own at night and my house is too small for her to stay with us. My brother lives miles away and only visits once every couple of months so I’ve now become my Mum’s full time companion. She’s not great mobility-wise to go anywhere on her own (I take her out places with a little wheelchair) but apart from that she’s in pretty good health, reads a lot, learns languages, watches films and can keep busy. I can’t plan any holidays/weekend breaks now with my husband (we used to go away a few times a year now our uni child is away) as my brother refuses to stay for more than a few nights, even though he works from home and can work anywhere. We’ve now put our house on the market and Mum will do the same shortly so we can all live together. This is the only solution to me not driving back and fore daily and being able to be with my husband again, it sounds mad as I type this and my friends don’t understand why I’m being kept a prisoner as such. I really want my Mum to feel safe and loved and have company but I can’t replace my dad and be expected to be there 24/7. I feel even in a house we all share my husband and I will never be able to go anywhere unless someone comes to stay. It feels like all this is on me now and for my brother its a bit of a case of out of sight out of mind. He does call her each day but he just won’t help me out. She doesn’t want to stay with him ever because it would bring back too many memories of my Dad. Because of her age a lot of her friends have passed away or are as immobile as she is and we don’t have a large family so I don’t know who she’d ask to stay for me to have a break.
Are you able to do some sort of a rota so you all get a break? It must be hard juggling everything around your work. Its so hard for us left behind and often there’s such a bond between a Dad and a daughter. I was like you. I miss popping over to their house and making him a cup of tea every time before I left and him thanking me for all I did for him and my Mum :heart: I’d do it all again in a heartbeat. I try each day to remember all the happy times and I have good days and bad days but its to be expected. I do feel he’s with me still but totally understand your rollercoaster of emotions. It will get easier-ish. Maybe not easier but the shock is replaced by something else a teeny bit less painful.
Sending hugs