Lost my partner Michelle back in February came home from work on 7 February found her bottom of stairs nothing I could do for her devestated not the word for it so tragic together for 15;years she was my world she got a under lying health condition mixed motor polyneauopathy progressive since 2012 I looked after her and worked full time we had so many plans for this year I was going to marry her long overdue valentine’s night was the darkest night of my life I am so lucky my brother phoned me at 11.46 if not i.would been gone next morning no lie drinking from 9.am.no food I was in a terrible state no lie couple of weeks after had 2 seizures 2 nights in a row was on a low time had to wait 6 weeks for funeral it did my head in it turned out to be a lovely but sad day 180 people turned up at carmountside I did her proud I think it’s just the lonely times I can’t get used to I met a lovely lady on 29 April sadly things have hit a bumpy road for us I don’t think I can save it such a shame so kind lovely to me but I am stuck in 2 worlds at the moment one guilt for my Michelle and 1 for my friend I feel I hit a road block with my feelings
I will get there.its so hard I don’t.want to push my special lady away I want to build a future with her.we shared some good times together memories that will be there forever
Hi @Buster67 ,
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community 
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Take good care,
Alex
Thank you so much it’s been hard to come to terms with my loss Christmas round the corner was sitting thinking this time last year I was putting our tree up Michelle loved Christmas time I always made it special for her be different this year I want to share it with my special friend but like I said been some harsh words some unforgivable it’s just my default think it will work out I don’t know here hoping
Thanks for listening to me
Hello @Buster67.
I’m sorry for your loss. I’m finding it difficult to know what to say to you. I’m inclined to say slow down. I feel you haven’t grieved for Michelle. She passed in February and in just a little more than two months you’ve met someone else. Now, please understand, I’m not judging you but I sense you are confused and troubled. Perhaps keep your new lady as a friend for the time being and take time out to allow yourself to truly grieve for the beautiful soul you have lost. I’m sorry if this is not helpful but honestly I think you’ve rushed headlong into something you’re not ready to deal with. Listen to your heart and be kind to yourself.
Thank you Kate I know you are right to say this I think prob was a bit rushed but we are only friends at the moment we just go out for meals we have hugs and kisses she been through a horrible ordeal herself she had her hip broken by previous partner she also sole carer for her dad for last 4 years that’s why I think we connect I looked after Michelle for nine years out of the fifteen we were together she got diagnosed with mixed motor polyneauopathy in 2012 I worked full time and cared for her first 3 years she was double incontinence was washing sheets 4 times a week we got passed that she got a bit of mobility back we worked together she was happy despite her illness which was progressive she broke her tibia last year I was off work to look after her I did have conversation with her about work if I should finish and look after her full time she said no chance she always thought she was a burden to me I said she never be that I loved her with all my heart I feel guilty that I did not finish work but been told by so many people no guilt I was not to blame just unfortunately accident it could have happened anytime so I can’t beat myself up everyday got to be more positive and remember the good times which we did have I am glad I have come on here so nice to explain things I am going to enjoy Christmas 
best I can memories will get me through thank you
It sounds like you’ve had a tough few years Buster and you did Michelle proud caring for her in the way you did. You have a positive attitude so you hang on to those precious memories because it will be those memories which help sustain you in your grief. Keep reading and posting and maybe join in other conversations here and I hope you find it a source of strength.
Take care.
Thank you Gordon. You just reminded me of something my stepfather used to say:
‘You can call me anything you want so long as you don’t call me late in for dinner!’ 
I like that made me smile I think that’s what’s been missing I always been a happy person till all this I think I lost a lot of confidence since Michelle died I get nervous round people the world has changed so much in fifteen years
I had a better day.today.got to talk on messenger to my special friend I told her I am on this site it is helping me I even got round to putting my Christmas tree up so that’s a positive step forward I explained a lot to my friend how horrible I have been towards her she wants me to be her boyfriend she already got my present so I think all good news I do really care for her she is a godsend no lie