Losing mum 7 months on and still so raw

My god I miss my mum, she died in September suddenly so unexpected from undiagnosed pancreatic cancer. I took her to A&E as she wasn’t feeling well on the Thursday and she was dead by the following Wednesday. She was my world, my confident, my best friend and I adored her. I was an only child and my dad died when I was 10 and my step dad died 15 years ago, I hate covid for depriving me of the last 6 months of her life, I only used to see her when dropping off her shopping as she was terrified of catching it and obviously was only on the door step. We were a huggy and kissey family and I had my first and last kiss and hug with her once she had died. The pain is not getting better, I can’t think of her without crying my eyes out. I’m a very social person so obviously haven’t seen friends for months due to covid and I have a very poorly partner ill with long term cancer and two heart problems, I have a disabled daughter and my mums elderly sister who’s 85 and never married. So I’m a carer to many, my son aged 24 has just come home after 6 years die to a relationship break down. I’m just exhausted, I feel I don’t have time to grieve. It’s feels like it’s about everyone else not me, mums house hasn’t sold and bills are building up on that. It’s just so arghhhhhh. I just can’t see it getting better, my partner is so supportive but I’m terrified they’re going to die…

I’m so sorry for your loss. My mum died suddenly 4.5 months ago and I’ve been having similar feelings.

My mum caught Covid and died in hospital. I feel like I hardly saw her last year, because she was shielding and I was trying to follow the rules and stay away from her, to try and keep her safe. I can’t stop thinking about all the time I didn’t spend with her, and how miserable her last year alive was. If I had known she was going to die anyway, I would have just gone into her house to see her.

It was really bothering me that I couldn’t remember the last time I hugged her. Now I think I did hug her, in the hospital, not long before she died (we were allowed in to see her because her health was so bad they knew she was close to dying), but I’m not sure if that’s a real memory or one I’ve invented to give myself something to hold on to.

I’m really close to my brother but now he’s talking about moving to the USA with his girlfriend when her UK visa expires and I feel so isolated and alone.

2 Likes

Hi to you both, your stores are very similar and both of you sound totally exhausted, my plea to you both is simply, just think of yourself for once. We don’t and then when things fall apart we wonder why. When we loss a loved one, our life is turned upside down, even more so with the restrictions of the pandemic and my heart goes out to you both. I want to send you both extra strength just to get through this horrible time and with that I also want to send lots of hugs and blessings. Please be careful and take time just for yourself, sit and think loving thoughts from days gone by. Our memories are very important, real or not, they are what gets us through theses dreadful times. Hugs and blessings to you both.

2 Likes

What a beautiful lovely message Susie thank you so very much, sending you hugs and kind wishes to you xx and to you Smeats xx

Back to top