I’m hoping to find some comfort in how I am feeling at the moment after losing mum 3 weeks ago.
Mum became unwell around 20th November and by the 10th of December after having blood tests and scans she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer which had spread to her liver. She was severely jaundice and unwell.
She was rapidly deteriorating, her kidneys were failing as well as her liver.
She passed away on the 9th January 2023 ages just 64.
Me and my brother were by her side everyday, all day when she went into the hospice and we were with her when she passed away.
I’ve been grieving but over the past two days I feel like I haven’t been able to cope, I feel angry and upset, I feel like I want her back and I need to see her again and I can’t, I feel guilt because I feel like I didn’t spend as much time with her as I should of done when she was alive. I don’t know what to do with myself & I am trying to bring myself comfort with photos, journaling about my feelings etc but I pain is just unbearable right now.
I went back to work after 2 months off whilst everything was happening, I managed 2 days (one of them I broke down whilst at work) I just don’t feel I have the motivation and I just don’t feel the same about anything anymore.
I am down for bereavement counselling with the hospice but that won’t be for another few weeks.
I want to speak to people who have felt the same emotions and how to deal with them and cope. x
3 Likes
Hi Samantha,
I’m very sorry for the loss of your mum.
I lost my dad in November 2022, only 2 months after a cancer diagnosis. I Initally tried to continue working from home when dad was first diagnosed but ended up taking time off to care for him as he deteriorated so rapidly.
It will be three months on 15th Feb since dad passed away and I am experiencing a wide range of emotions from sadness to anger to guilt. These feelings come out of no where and counsellor advised me that grief comes in waves and one day can feel very different to the next (especially when the loss is very raw). I haven’t been able to go back to work yet as I don’t feel ready and I am thankfully able to take an extended break.
My dad and I were so close and I feel incredibly lost. Life feels like it has lost its meaning and it feels like my ‘old life’ is no more. It’s very confusing and sad. I’m not sure what life will look like from here on in.
I am keeping myself busy which helps to some extent and I want to honour my father by trying to keep going although this is tough.
Three weeks is very soon after losing your mum. I don’t have much advice but wanted to say that you are not alone in how you are feeling.
Xx
Hi @Katherine86 thank you for your msg. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. Cancer is just so awful and it’s extremely hard seeing the person deteriorate so quickly, mum was the same.
Yes, that is probably the best way to describe it that it comes in waves, each day is so different and one minute you can be ok to then for it to hit and hit really hard out of no where.
You need to listen to yourself as well and if you need more time off work then it’s what you need. I was ok my first day back, I was apprehensive as I work in a hospital on a ward but then the next two days after that were too much.
I went back & it had only been a week since her funeral too.
Your dad will be extremely proud of how strong you are being and I hope the grief counselling helps as well.
Thank You for your kind words. xx
1 Like