Losing Mum

Hi not sure if I have the right page. I gave up work roughly a year ago to care for Mum as cancer diagnosis was delivered. I had no experience previously as a carer. Due to complications Mum had leg amputation. I’m not looking for sympathy, just be nice to talk to someone who has dealt with this. I can’t sleep as I keep waking flashbacks of Mums pain.

Hi Anunciata,

I was sorry to read your post and that you are having such an awful time with flashback dreams and the loss of your Mum. You have had a dreadful year which must have been exhausting. Caring for someone when they are ill is difficult and even more so when it is someone you love. Giving up work to do so is a major undertaking.

I did the same as you when my Mum was diagnosed with cancer and was given only a short time to live. It felt very strange having the roles reversed from when I was a child and Mum cared for me to be doing the same for her. I too had never been a full time career although lived with my Mum so kept an eye on her. Giving up work was easier than I had expected. As things turned out Mum only lived just under two months from diagnosis. I know how tired I got physically as well as emotionally In just a couple of months. I joined this forum very soon after losing Mum just over two years ago as like you I couldn’t sleep. I also had terrible flashbacks and a niggling guilt that I should have seen how ill Mum was earlier. The flashbacks have largely gone although the slightest stress or feeling ill bring them back to a lesser degree. I still worry I could have done more for Mum. Sleep is still a problem some nights.

With the sleep problem having half an hours sleep during the day seems to work. Are you back at work? If so is there somewhere there you could rest, even sitting in a chair and dozing? What has really helped is taking time for myself everyday, sitting with a cup of tea in the garden and relaxing. I allow my mind to go whichever way it wants, memories of Mum, family holidays, etc. Ten minutes sometimes is all that is needed.

I don’t know how much help this is but I wanted you to know you are not alone. This forum is great, no one judges as we are all going through the same dreadful loss.

Take care of yourself.
Mel