Losing Mummy

Apologies in advance for a long story. This is hard. Harder than I ever could have imagined. I feel so angry and my patience is short. Mummy left on 16 November 2022 on what was my sister’s 55th birthday and she was buried on 22 November 2022 on what would have been her 86th birthday. I wasn’t ready. Mum had a fall on 1st February 2022 and was admitted to hospital. This was the start of nearly 10 months of in and out of hospital during which time Mum became bedridden. I was her primary carer and advocate and had been for a number of years. Mum never had dementia, knew exactly what was happening and never once complained or cried. I made the heartbreaking decision on 3 occasions to call an ambulance and put her in hospital. It’s so hard. As the eldest of 3 I was used to making decisions but now I question everything I have done. The second visit to hospital was the worst 26th July 2022 as the doctor told me there was a DNR in place which I said I would not agree to but apparently I didn’t need to it was something they did. Mum had low potassium, high calcium and I spent the night with her in A&E watching her erratic heart rate and expecting her to stop breathing at any second. She came out on 19th September (the Queen’s funeral). I remember saying you can’t send Mum home it’s the Queen’s funeral. 5 days later Mum started to lose consciousness and had a stroke. Back to hospital. A week before Mum died the doctor said we will give her a “driver”. I didn’t know what this meant. I do now sadly. They were putting her on palliative / end of life care. My youngest sister and I share a birthday and Daddy died 2 days before our birthday (30 years ago now). Mum kept whispering one more day and we thought she was going 14th- 2 days before my middle sister’s birthday. Mum kept going until 16th, my middle sister’s birthday. I had always been worried about how to tell my 2 sisters when Mum went as the usual question would be who did you phone first. Mum in her lovely, beautiful way had it all worked out. My youngest sister was with Mum and was on the phone with me when Mummy took her last breath. I was always terrified of being with Mummy when she left this world. I was there, at the end of a phone line and with her from afar. No-one I think is ever ready for death. My Daddy went quickly with a heart attack and I have watched Mum go. I now know the stages of death. I worried that she wasn’t being given food or water towards the end. I now know she didn’t need it. I wish everyone could be made aware of what happens leading up to death. I have said " no-one managed my expectations". Throughout Mum’s time in hospital I was constantly trying to get information on what was happening and what could be done. I am now more aware of what happens and Mum’s condition thanks to the internet. It won’t bring Mummy back but it helps me to understand a bit better. Mummy has been sending me little white feathers when I need them. I have a little bauble hung up with the words on it " I have and angel in Heaven…I call her Mum" all my feathers are in it. I am 57 but I feel like a 5 year old in a shop who has lost their Mummy. A small part of me believes she is still here. I can’t and don’t think I will ever let go. The one person that knew me my whole life is no longer here. I have to find a new me but it is so hard. Mum always had the answers, never judged, provided advice and guidance. I wish so very much she was still here to do that. I’ve tried to write this so many times, tonight felt right. Thank you for reading this :broken_heart:

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Hi Rosieanne
I can’t believe the similarities in yours and my experiences. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’d like to share my experience with you but unfortunately it’s too painful at the moment :broken_heart:
I would advise tp keep posting on here though, it’s helping me through the torture. Take care and hopefully we’ll speak again :pray: xx

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Hello Rosieanne, I’m so sorry for your loss. The cruelest irony is that right after our mum’s passing is when we need them the most. My heart goes out to you.

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Oh my goodness, this is so sad. My mum had a terrible time in hospital it was a really hard time. Sorry for your loss.

Sounds very similar to what happened with my mum. I was her carer for five years. Nothing prepares you for when they’re no longer here. Sending you love and strength.

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