In August of this year I unexpectedly lost my beautiful Mum. I was due to meet her that day but she called and said her legs felt heavy (which was not unusual as she had CMT syndrome amd wpuld get tired or crampy legs) so we agreed she would try and sleep it off and we would meet another day. It was a lovely and normal chat on the phone. Nothing to suggest anything was wrong. Later on my dad called from a trip away and said he hadn’t been able to get hold of her so I agreed to nip round and see her. Unfortunately I found her on the sofa in her lounge, as soon as I walked in and saw her I knew that she had died, that there was nothing I could do but I checked her over and did what i could as well as called the ambulance. I also then had to call my dad and then my sister who lives abroad to tell them what happened. My uncle and cousin came to help for which I was so glad as I was so scared and didn’t want to be alone. In total we were there for nearly 6 hours for the ambulance, police and coroners. It was just so frightening, overwhelming and traumatic. We lost her to a pulmonary embolism caused by dvt. My mum is just the best person I’ve ever known, my best friend as well as my incredible mum. To know her was to love her. I just don’t know how to do life without her now. Nothing feels the same. Eating and sleeping are hard, I’ve got signed off work for a few weeks to try to work on this and figure out this new version of life. I keep busy and see people, trying not to really be on my own too much as I live alone anyway. It’s hard to know what’s meant to feel normal I guess. It was just so sudden and unexpected I can’t really comprehend yet that this is forever.
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing your story. I’m so sorry to hear about your Mum and how you are feeling, that is so natural. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
You may find the following Sue Ryder resources helpful:
- Our Bereavement information pages
- Our Online Bereavement Support, which includes our free online bereavement counselling which is held via video chat, our Grief Guide which has interactive tools to help you cope with grief, and Grief Coach, where you can receive personalised support via text
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
I don’t really have anything to say that will help. I lost my mum suddenly too, just last week, and all of what you describe is how I feel. Not knowing how to do life without her. I lived with her, we did everything together, and the emptiness is unbearable. I’m sorry I can’t be of more help other than to let you know someone has read your words and understands. I just joined the site tonight too. It’s both sad and comforting (if that’s the right word; I doubt it) to know that there are so many of us in the same situation.
What helps me, in the new life I’ve only had for one week, is keeping distracted. I try to push away the feelings of guilt I have about doing trivial or mundane things and tell myself it’s a survival mechanism, not a reflection of how much I miss her. Easier said than done, I know.
Take care, and hopefully we will both find some comfort here along the way.
Thanks so much for the links and information I will take a look. Yes I really hope that being part of this community can provide mutual support and understanding.
I’m so sorry for you loss too. I agree there does seems to be some comfort in having people there in this form that truly hear you and understand what you are going through; as its such a loney and confusing time much of the days. Keeping busy or distracted in that way has been my method too, ive felt guilt at times for it but i figure it is just a way to try and process and find new ways of doing things and just getting through the day isn’t it. The sense of loss can be so overwhelming that I imagine we can only deal with so much at a time. You take care too and I hope that you find the support and comfort that you need also