Didn’t ever think I would end up writing something or looking for that extra bit of support ……… but here I am . 5 years ago I lost my brother to cancer and had to say goodbye to him. He was taken too young and so much more to live for. He died on my birthday and I find that so hard to deal with. 2 years later I had a phone call from the hospital to say my dad wouldn’t make the night and to come in and say goodbye. He had dementia and was 86 but I was by his side with my mum and my older step brother. These two losses have been so hard on us as a family ( especially my mum) since their deaths I have almost wrapped my mum up in cotton wool and have wanted to spend as much time as possible with her . My twin girls adore her and see her as a second mum. I always thought my mum would live on a lot longer as she was always so fit and healthy……. Last Thursday my mum stayed at our house as she had been suffering for a few weeks with a viral infection……. When I went to see her in the morning she was having a a stroke, she was rushed to hospital and a day later I had to say goodbye……. Don’t know how I’m going to cope……… my mum was my best friend and my girls saw her as a second mum. I’m just so numb and don’t feel I will cope 
Hi Jessdee75
So sorry we’re meeting on this website but it’s a godsend to all of us who are grieving. In a few short years, you’ve sadly lost your darling brother, Dad and now your sweet Mum. Deep within us, we each have strengths we didn’t know we had, and it’s this hidden strength which will help you cope with the coming weeks, months and years ahead of you. You are blessed with beautiful twin girls and the love you have for each other will give you the extra strength you need to carry on. Right now you are overwhelmed by grief, shock and pain. All your emotions are heightened and so painful and unbearable. But as each day passes, tiny bit by tiny bit, you’ll get stronger and you will be able to cope a little better. It’s a long and slow journey each of us faces when we suffer a major bereavement like the loss of a Mum. My Mum was my best friend in whom I could confide all of my problems and she was always there for me, no matter what. Now I have to live without her and it’s so hard because I live alone with my dog. But now I’ve got through two months without her love and support so I know that, if I can do it, you can though you won’t think that just yet. Give it time and you’ll get stronger. Be patient with yourself and don’t expect too much of yourself at the moment. It’s OK to cry, rant and rave, get angry, feel anything you have to feel. All your feelings are there to help you make sense of your terrible loss. Grief has to be worked through and each of us grieves in our own way. Be brave, your pain will gradually lessen though you won’t think it will but I promise one day you’ll smile again. Sending love, hugs and understanding. x
I just want to thank you for taking the time to reply to my message. Your message and thoughtful, considered words have helped me. I think that this community group will really help me though and hopefully further down the line I can be there for others 
Hi Jessdee75
In a strange way, if I can help someone else suffering from grief it helps me cope with my own grief a little better. Thank you for acknowledging my reply. Take care and love to you. xxx
Hi Jessdee
I read your post and just want to say I have also lost my mum.She passed on Dec 30th and I am heartbroken She was 89 but it never prepares you for them leaving.Mine was a shock also went into hosp being sick to being told she would pass that night after they found a blockage in her small intestine.told in a matter of one hour at the hosp. My mum was my everything my rock my best friend and I will never know the sheer love she gave me again.
We can’t turn back time or bring them back and that’s the hardest bit. We have to find ways to cope and god knows how with this awful grief which is so raw. Just want to say you are not alone on here You have come to the right place There are so many people on here going through the same and people are joining daily.Thete will always be someone who will reply to you well that’s what I have found anyway I t will help you honestly.Its a 24/7 site so the beauty of it if you can call it that is that you can write at whatever time suits you .if you feel down just write your thoughts here and check for replies.People are so kind on here.
Thinking of you
Deborah x