Its been 20 months since my beloved passed 
i still feel so sad i miss him so much its much worse when i come home from work and at weekends we were always together i miss him so much. 
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Bless you 
I had just retired when my husband died. Although very challenging I can see how work can distract and keep you busy. Days and particularly evenings are very long.
See if you can meet a friend for coffee on Sat and Sunday. Even a short meet up can improve the whole day.
Hugs and love
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I lost my soulmate 13 months ago, and totally feel like you , I really hate coming home from work, and weekends, I feel so lonely,
I want him to hold me , kiss me , talk to me, Everyone I know means well with their suggestions on what to do or how to be, but I just want him, he’s not here , my heart hurts deeply, he died so suddenly in front of me, totally out of the blue, and I didn’t get to say, goodbye and tell him I loved him with all my heart, We met when we were 15 , 40 years together, then gone in seconds.
I’m so sad for you, and for me and everyone who is going through this 
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@Duk45
I am so sorry to read about the grief you are suffering after the loss of your partner. It’s been just over 9 months since I lost my wife and, if anything, the sense of loss is getting worse as each month passes.
Like @Yvonne7 I am retired so have to endure long days and evenings alone without my soulmate.
I really don’t know if having to go to work would help or not. Going to work would be a useful distraction during the day but I do understand the stress of coming home to an empty house.
I still have all my wife’s things around the house, so it still looks like her home, and I believe she is still with me. I talk to her all the time and in some ways she does answer, especially if I’m looking for something.
I have no idea what the future holds, at the moment it is as empty as the house.
Thank you both for your posts, they really help.
Take care of yourselves.
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Thank you very much .
Dear @Duk45
I’m so sorry for your loss. My husband died six months ago and I struggle through every day too.
Evenings are really difficult. We were together for 24 years and I don’t know how I fit in a world without my love. I also carry a lot of guilt which makes me feel worthless.
I recognise just how much you miss your husband - I feel the same emptiness.
Take care.
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Lonely planet
Evenings and nights really bring home what you have lost even though my wife was so ill she was here with me i would give all material things up just to have her back even for just a short time money,property mean nothing compared with the touch a kiss or just the conversation of the most special person i have ever met my heart breaks every morning i wake without her yet i know i can never get her back and must somehow go on i think everyone posting must feel the same way nothing prepares you for this
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Dearest Friends
My heart breaks for us all. Our darling ones have been taken and we are left with unbearable quietness.
I’m sending my support and love to you all .
It’s a place none of us want to be in.
I hope tomorrow brings a glimmer of joy for you all 
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Dear All
I send my condolences to you on this never ending journey
Just thought I would share something a bit encouraging
I had a glimmer of hope today
I managed to get calmly to one of our haunts
Every familiar place has brought tears so I avoided them when I can
But to day I bought one pasty and
One tea and spoke to a passer by as he would have done
I do so want to enjoy our happy memories as how ever much I cry I can’t change things
I’ve found a picture of us that makes me smile so I have this by the bed
This isn’t a rush job - it’s taken me months
Peace to you all over the weekend xxx
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Thank you sending hugs
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Dear Redsquirril25
I think that is brilliant. I know how much courage it took to go out alone, but I bet when you got home your mood was lifted.
You are absolutely right, small steps can gradually build a new life. I’m 9 months in on this ghastly journey and progress is painfully slow, but it is progress.
Keep posting your news it gives us all hope.
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Thank you RJay
Xx
Hi Red Squirrel
So proud of you … the familiar places are so difficult to navigate.
They are everywhere you look and nowhere.
A glimmer of hope is a beginning x
Take care of you and take your time x
Thank you Yvonne7
I hope you have some genuinely unexpected happiness too
Knowing that our loved one would’ve wanted us to be happy isn’t enough
Something has to well up in us that made us the people they admired loved and joked with
I guess sometimes we will see that spark and sometimes not
Take care all
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Redsquirril25
That’s exactly what the grief counsellor said to me Redsquirril25 you need to find yourself again the things that motivated you ,made you happy and simply were interested in it’s a long road by the sounds of it but one step starts the journey
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Thank you Andy
Is that what depressed means
Our real selves smothered by our grief
Only being half people as our main reason for living is not there
Yes it’s the the old - one step at a time
- One day at a time
- Green shoots as one young widower said to me once
- Of course I hadn’t a clue at that time what he was going through
How little our society dwells on bereavement and loss
I feel so sorry for people who have to rush back to work
I suppose it’s only recently that PTSD has been recognised
For now it’s good to have the encouragement from so many of our fellow travellers
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Thinking of you and sending my love
Love to you Yvonne
Redsquirril25
got xmas sorted by going away with my oldest son but i am dreading valentines day as it was Sharons birthday so a bigger trigger back into the emotional turmoil we are all in is presumably par for the course its strange that all the enjoyable dates in my calendar now fill me with trepidation not joy life is upside down
Andy
Christmas sorted - I expect you’re ahead of most of us with that trip to the Canaries organised
Baby steps does not mean looking ahead to Valentine’s Day Perhaps at Christmas you will have the energy to plan something that is a unique way to mark such a significant day for you
Yesterday I went with a friend to celebrate her joint birthday with her husband who passed away a year ago
It was the first time she had gone to their favourite fish and chip beach We put some flowers and a card on a bench and a gold sticker with his name on the bench
I took her photo which she was pleased with Then she treated me
New rituals but she felt it was right
I hadn’t dared to go down to that beach before yesterday
I can cry now but yesterday it wasn’t about me and my love
It’s like you at the hospice you’re caring about other people
I’ve had a response from Home start a children’s support charity which I’m pleased about as it’s a world away from my work the last 30 years with older people — I’ve joined their ranks now 
Sometimes it’s about rebuilding our lives - sometimes it’s just picking yourself off the deck again and wiping away those tears all the best to you
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