Losing my Best Friend and Soulmate

I lost my husband, best friend and soulmate on 16th November, it was such a shock, he had walked our dog, come home got changed sat down with a cuppa, chatted and had a huge heart attack, just like that, our daughter had to give cpr which was so hard for her!
The paramedics came tried to save him, took him to hospital, but within an hour and a half from coming home with dog, they had switched machines off in hospital!
How your life can change in the blink of an eye.
I miss him so much, I keep asking why and how, could I have done more? I’m just lost, I get angry, cry don’t know how to keep going.
Christmas was so hard, and New Year. If I could just have another day!

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Hi @trish51 I am so sorry to learn of your loss, and the incredibly difficult times you must be facing at the moment. I can echo your pain and upset.

I lost my partner, the evening before, on 15th November, in a similar set of circumstances. I came home from work, he was on a day off, and was cooking dinner, we sat and ate it, laughing and joking whilst updating him on my day. He went to have a shower shortly after dinner, and came out feeling unwell. Within 20 minutes he went into cardiac arrest and never regained consciousness. I am likewise asking myself similar questions of “why” and “how” - he was only 47. I am only 41. Truly shocking and devastating on every level.

I officially hate a Wednesday now, as I start to relive everything that happened that evening, clock watching minute by minute as events unfolded. Like you say, how life can change in the blink of an eye. A reason I came on here just now to distract me a little.

I am completely devastated, after 19 years together. The tears flow every single day, and I found New Year much more difficult than Christmas.

I hope that you have found some comfort in having your daughter for company, and she likewise finds that in you. I know your grief will be completely different from one another, and likely being handled in different ways, but the fact you are not alone, I hope must be something.

I am due to go back to work on Monday and it feels me with absolute fear and dread. Luckily they have agreed to a phased return over the coming 8 weeks, however any sense of “normality” feels totally wrong. The guilt, the loss, the pain, the heartache, it is a total roller coaster of emotions.

If you every need to talk, please reach out on here, there are so lovely people with similar experiences that do provide some comfort in knowing you are not alone and do have some understanding on what you must be going through.

My thoughts are with you.

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Thank you so much for your message, Ian and I had 21 brilliant years, he was 68, older I know but still to young.
How similar it was, hopefully work will give you something else to focus on in the daytime? I feel so much for you.
You take care, one day at a time :kissing_heart::hugs:

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Of course, it is still a very young age, a good 20 years plus ahead of him, bless him.

People keep saying it will do me good to focus on something and have a distraction etc, but I don’t want a distraction really or a routine, as it makes me feel like I am moving on, and I don’t want to move on without him.

Thank you for your kind words, and likewise, take each day at a time. One thing I have learnt over the last few weeks if you need to do you, and think about yourself, don’t worry about others, just follow the path that feels right for you in that moment in time. :slight_smile: x

@trish51 @Mpcarp I am so sorry you are both in this terrible situation. I lost my soulmate suddenly in may 23 . It is a very difficult road we are all on now . The loss is immense . He was 58 and it happened while I was abroad so I didn’t see him pass . I am working but I am on autopilot now .my sympathies to you both