Hi my names lorraine. I live near manchester. 2 months ago I lost my husband. He was my everything. He was only 49. He’d fought bowel cancer for 5 years. I really don’t know how to cope without him. I want him back so much it hurts. We’d been together nearly 32 years. I’ve got 3 grown up children which I love dearly but my heart is broken. I love him so much 
xx
6 Likes
Aw @Lorraine1104 its very early days for you and ofcourse your heart is broken ! Those terrible first few months i lost my husband i felt like i was gonna die as well with the pain of losing him . I didnt im still here and you just have to take one day at a time. A book i read call languages of loss by sasha bates - describes so well those early feelings of grief try read it if you can xxx
2 Likes
@Lorraine1104
It’s so hard isn’t it. My partner was 49 and died suddenly and unexpectedly in January, so further along the road than you.
It’s doesn’t stay as bad as the early months. 8 do have some good days now. Tears still flow and have bad days but overall it’s ok and I didn’t think I’d be saying that at the beginning.
I’ve booked to go away in a couple of weeks and again in August, with my daughter.
It is hard but we have an ability to heal and we will. We’ll never forget them or stop missing them but it will get easier to manage.
2 Likes
My husband of 15 years died of bladder cancer just over 4 weeks ago. I had a lot of anticipatory grief before he died and spent hours crying because I knew I was going to lose him. I am crying so much now too. I feel I don’t want to go on without him ( I’m not going to do anything to myself I just feel so desperately sad and alone) I miss him so much. I know how much this hurts, so love to all going through it.
4 Likes
@Mandy52 Me and Rich were together 16 year, it’s really tough. What you’re feeling is so normal. Getting to 5 months and just seems we all go through a process of grief, although our journeys are very personal to us, the path of grief is very similar.
3 Likes
I lost my husband I month ago. I didn’t know it could hurt this much. He was diagnosed with bowel cancer. I week later he was dead. We would have been married 50 years next week. Knowing how i feel,I send my love and hugs to all of you
6 Likes
@Pudding @Mandy52 @Lorraine1104 im so sorry for your losses. I lost my amazing hubby 9 months on sunday very suddenly and unexpectedly, he was only 47, we were together for 25 yr.
The early days are horrendous and you feel like your heart is literally breaking but ive found that that rawness does ease with time, and the tears are much less. Take any help or support that is offered to you, my friends and family have been amazing and the support on this forum has been a lifesaver so keep posting. Love to you all xx
7 Likes
Hi, I feel in a very similar way. I lost my husband of 27 years last November. He’d been suffering from pancreatic cancer for four years. Ironically his tumour was actually shrinking at the point of his death, but died “unexpectedly” in 10 days after acquiring a liver infection which turned to sepsis. He was also my best friend and soulmate and was only 63.
I still cry at some point every day and feel I’m just drifting through life. You just have to survive hour by hour to begin with and accept that there will be bad days and awful days. Not yet had a day that could be described as good, but I do help look after one of my grandchildren, so those days are more bearable as she’s only 1 and is a complete distraction while she’s with me. I’m finding that you have to try to get your head round your life being totally different because it simply can’t be the same ever again. And that that is different to all of your family and friends, because, however supportive they are, their lives continue the same. And it’s the lack of choice because none of us are choosing for our lives to be different.
Sending you all sympathy, empathy and a hope for fewer awful days in time.
4 Likes
I totally agree with that ! Its our lives thar have changed ! Not theirs 
as you say their lives stay the same ! It makes me fuming that does especially when you get very little empathy off some people !!! How can some people be so stupid , especially family to not realise your life has been shattered into little pieces ! Xx
1 Like