Losing my dad aged 54

I’m 31 and my dad passed away 4 weeks ago aged 54 the day before my brothers 21st.
Im really struggling with it he was in hospital for 11 weeks with a dodgy liver (not alcohol related) and the doctors did next to nothing they were looking for cancer or a blockage but ignored his actual symptoms and he deteriorated really quicky over night and died 12 hours later.
I feel robbed of my dad and I feel bad for my brother and mum.
I’m just really anxious all the time I cant go to work, I avoid going out sometimes. I just want to be able to function and at the moment I’m struggling.

Hi kaybe87,

I’m sorry to hear about the sudden loss of your dad at 54. It’s so young and you will still be in shock.
My dad died of a massive heart attack when he was 53 and I was 27.
My mum died of a massive stroke 18 weeks ago aged 74. Shock got me through the first 3 weeks then I had a breakdown the morning after the funeral. I saw my gp and got signed off work for 12 weeks. I only returned 2 weeks ago.
You are expecting too much of yourself too soon.
Look after yourself and just take each hour at a time until you are ready to take each day at a time.
Cheryl x

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Hi I’m so sorry. I lost my dad on the 7th of November he was 55 just turned and I’m 33. I feel your pain. My dad passed away as he had diabetes and drunk, he died in his sleep. It’s so hard life will never be the same again. I’ve become such a sad little girl without a daddy and that is heartbreaking I’m still in shock. I ask myself 100times a day how can this be? How can he be gone ? I cry all the time and I have two kids which makes it harder because I have to stop and be a mum. I listen to his favourite music all the time especially in bed and cry yesterday I found a voicemail he left my last year and it broke my heart… When will we be happy again? When will our life go back to how it was ? I suppose never and that is really sad in it self. But it’s ok to cry to be sad take as long as you need there is no time limit. Sending love x

Hi diana,

The loss of your dad is so recent. You are still in shock. Try not to ask yourself when will things get better? I am nearly 6 months in from the shock of losing my mum to a sudden brain haemorrhage and things are nowhere nearly near better.
I had 6 sessions of counselling and although I didn’t feel that they helped me much i did take a couple of things away. One of them was to stop questioning when I would stop crying and when I would start to feel better. Once I had stopped doing this I immediately felt better because I hadnt put pressure on myself. This was a few months ago and I’m still having days where I cry alot but others where I’m ok.
I’m sorry you are going through this. There are a number of us online that speak every day regarding our mums. Please join in our conversations
Cheryl x

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Hi Cheryl, thank you for your kind message some how it feels nice to read what others are going through which I thought was impossible. I’m sorry to hear about your mum :frowning: I will try and do what you kindly said as I always ask myself when will this pain go away or when will it get better? I understand that I have to accept it I just haven’t yet… I find it weird when I don’t cry and I start to feel guilty so every night I play my dads fav songs to help me get the emotions out. And last night I found w voicemail from him from last year December and it just broke me to hear his voice… I haven’t spoken to him for over a year and I have so much guilt now to live with too… But I hope you find strength and thank you so much x

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When mum first died I had no problems looking at photos and videos of her. It made her real.
Now I cant bear to look at any. All it does is show me what I’m missing. The thought that I have gone nearly 25 weeks without speaking to her, seeing her,making each other a cup of tea…its just too much.
To live the rest of our lives without them doesnt bear thinking about. Seeing how fragile life is, I feel lucky that I had her for 74 years. I’ve seen so many people this year die suddenly in their 40s and 50s that it makes me wonder how the average life expectancy is around 80.

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By the way, I lost my dad to a sudden heart attack when he was 53 and I was 27.

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I’m sorry to hear that you have lost both of your parents that must be so hard. You seem to have so much strength in you and they say when we lose the loved once we have so much inner strength we didn’t even know. And I suppose that makes sense. I just can’t accept the fact that his gone… Thank you for your kind words and I’m sending you love and cuddles xx

Thank you diana. You too xx

I’m sorry for your loss Kaybe87,
I lost my Dad nearly 20 years ago. it does get better over time, but you do always miss them.
I lost my Mum suddenly 9 weeks ago and it’s a grief unlike anything i’ve known.
My advice is rest when you can and just take it hour by hour. It’s going to take time.
There’s a lovely group o people who understand on here what you are going through.
Sending a hug.


I lost my Dad 5 weeks ago and connect with everything you’re saying. The guilt you feel for having a seconds happiness, the constant playing of his music so I can keep getting it out, the crippling anxiety at facing people.

It’s awful but like you, it’s comforting to know I’m not alone.