Losing my dad at only 28

We lost my dad 6 weeks ago today to cancer and I just feel like the days are getting harder and harder . I feel like I could just cry constantly when I think about him and I miss him so much, I really felt like we deserved so much more time together !!! I’m dreading the new year as it’s a year my dad will never see , I sometimes think it’s not real but now i keep re living the trauma of the weeks before he passed being told nothing else could be done for him. He suffered so badly for 10 months since diagnosed and he found it so hard so we couldn’t even make “amazing memories “ as your told too ! I just feel abit traumatised and wondered the best way people cope with this feeling ?

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Hello @Katiel ,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling like things are becoming harder and you feel a dread for the coming new year. I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad and the challenges you have faced in the past 10 months this is devastating for you. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

You might also want to have a read of our pages on losing a parent. Losing a parent - coping with the death of a parent | Sue Ryder

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

Hello
There isn’t anything I can say to Be honest . I think as you come out of
Shock it’s becomes even harder .
I lost my Dad in July very suddenly -
I would keep coming on here as people understand, look after yourself , write
Some memories in a book just for you . These are things I have done - and only be around people who make you feel safe . A lot of people just say the wrong thing and makes it harder . Everyone is different I guess but these things have helped me a little . It’s just horrible . Sending love - sorry for your loss. It’s truly awful :white_heart::broken_heart: X x

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My dad died very suddenly on Christmas Eve 1984 when I was only 26 so sort of understand. He never had any grandchildren, probably because I put it off because of a career, but every year since then I have endeavoured to remember and commemorate him.

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Hi @Katiel it’s awful losing your parent so young. I’m 32 and lost my mum a few months ago. It was really traumatic and I too hate the idea of going into a new year without her. I’ve really really struggled with losing her at this age, knowing I potentially have so much of my life to live without her. It’s so sad and so wrong. Most of my friends still have their parents and some still have grandparents. I really thought my mum and I would have more time, to create those ‘memories’ you mentioned. We had plans to go on holiday together again once she was better. But she never got better. The only way I’ve coped over these past months is to talk to people who understand on here, and to find ways to still feel close to her. I light a candle in front of her picture and say words to her every day. I’ve kept a lot of her clothes. I visit the tree I planted for her. I watch a silly video of us together. I still try and include her in things, like I wrapped her a present for Christmas day. I still plan to go on the holiday we planned, to go in her memory, and hope that somehow she’ll still be with me, travelling by my side and watching over me. You could try these types of things to feel close to your dad? Here if you ever want to talk or pm me x

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Hi, thank you for the reply! I am so sorry for you loss, I totally feel the same we are so young and deserved so much more time together! I also feel sad/angry when I see people who still have both parents and grandparents at a great age but I know this is a normal part of grieving. We remember him and talk about him a lot but always ends in tears. I know he is out of pain but doesn’t help the fact we miss him and I’m so young and he will never see me get married or have children. Yes I will try these things, I knew Christmas would be hard and I’m going back to work in January after months off so hoping that will help me ? X

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Thank you for the lovely message. I am sorry for you loss also. Yes I am glad I came on here as it helps to know it’s not just me and other people do understand. I knew Christmas would be hard but it just hurts so much ! Xx

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It’s been harder than I thought it would
Be . Just sadness and memories everywhere . I’ll be glad when it’s done. It will still be hard though .
How are you today ? Xx

Hi @Katiel I found going back to work helped take my mind off things a bit, but it’s also super hard. Especially if you’re surrounded by people who don’t understand. Just prepare yourself for that and for comments from people who just don’t get it and might not realise they are being insensitive. It’s good to get in a routine again but it’s also so terribly sad because it made me feel like I’m just supposed to move on from this massive thing of losing my mum as if it never happened and it just feels so wrong. Hope it goes OK for you, here if you want to chat again x

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I know so true :frowning: I am okay as can be thank you :heart: I’m going back to work next week so hoping this will give me routine but also scared to go back to “normal life” xx

Luckily my work have been understanding and some have also lost their parents previously. I am sad to go back though as like you said it’s like I don’t want people to expect me to be my happy self as I just can’t , I’m also scared for people to talk about their dads as I know it will just upset me but I know they will understand when I get upset! I know my dad would want me to go back to work but Im just worried some days I won’t want to get out of bed and face the world/work xx

Woo4, I find it helpful to think of it as “carrying on” and not “moving on”. To me, there is quite a difference in meaning between the two expressions.

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I feel for you so much @Katiel :cry::broken_heart: I lost my dad to cancer 5 weeks ago. He was 67, I’m 34. I had just started a new career and moved back to my home city to be closer to family November 2022. I’ve been living with Mum and Dad until I found my own home. He was diagnosed in July this year, 17 painful and traumatising weeks later, he’s gone. He was my best friend, my double. We were one and the same, and now I feel so utterly alone. The days and nights are filled with sadness and tears, even though I push myself so hard every day to keep going and keep making him proud. When I’m having a good day, I take advantage of it and get myself out and about to the shops, socialise if I can. Bad days I hide away and just try and eat and drink well. I’ve gone from being such a confident and outgoing person with so much drive, to having no self esteem and being terrified to be in a social situation I can’t get out of quickly. The smallest of things will trigger me and I’ll just break down, no matter where I am. Seeing happy couples together knowing that’s been ripped away from my devastated mother makes me feel sick. I am an axious and depressed mess, and desperately miss the person I was, the person dad loved so much. I hope and pray she’ll come back one day so I can do all the things we had planned as a family and look after everyone the way he did. How can it be fair to retire and die within the same year? Why our Dads? Why is it always the good ones? How do we ever be happy again? Take care of yourself, and always here for a chat if you need it xx

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I feel exactly the same . My Dad died in July he was our families rock . We are all broken it’s so hard everyday :broken_heart::white_heart:sorry for your loss. X xx

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So heartbreaking I feel your pain so much ! I am so sorry for your loss :broken_heart::mending_heart:. Our dad was our everything too, I feel the same why our dads why!! God only takes the best ones but I still don’t understand it . My dads biggest fear was cancer and now I can’t stop thinking about how scared and frightened he must of been :disappointed: but he didn’t show it but deep down I know he must of been. I also feel for my mum too as you say , how hard it must be for them! Unless people have experienced they truly don’t understand the pain of losing the person who is your whole world ! The longer time goes on the I think I’m finding it harder but trying to keep going as I know dad will want me too. Thank you for your message means a lot, always here for a chat too :heart::heart:

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Hi Katie,

I lost my dad in July, I’m 26 now with a long term partner and I’m worried the rest of my ‘milestones’ in life will be hit with sorrow realising he’s not there to witness them.

He battled bowel cancer for 5 years but was a very rapid decline towards the end it still took us by shock. We were able to get a dog and do some things but Covid robbed us of holidays or anything big. I felt as you described in the beginning but recently I have been putting on a front and not coping well.

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Hi Alicia , I’m sorry for your loss.
So young like me , we are too young for this :disappointed:.

I think as time goes on the reality that dad isn’t coming back has hit me too.

I hope you are okay, what do you find helps you cope ? X

I know, for Christmas I kept expecting him to come in and have an eye over all the cooking like he always did

I’ve found that I look for him in things, he was always a big fan of George Michael/Wham so I always think of him when they’re on the radio, and always tell my mum/my partner when I’m thinking of him, and we talk about how he would react to a certain situation any of us are in xx

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