Losing my dad in July

Losing a parent
#1

My dad passed away on the 17th July from a combination of cancer and pneumonia. At the time he was in a care home after spending multiple weeks in hospital.

Due to the pandemic, I got to see him briefly in the hospital although he was sedated at the time and not at all while in the care home.

I have never found it easy to process my emotions and I’m struggling with him not being here. Instead of remembering the good times (which everyone tells me I should) all I see when I close my eyes at night or when my mind drifts to him during the day is him, lying in his hospital bed, sedated.

It’s starting to impact on my family life and my work as I’m not sleeping properly at all and my GP has been very little help.
Desperately looking for help and suggestions of how to start coming to terms with everything.

#2

Hi. Boroboy. Welcome to the site. ‘Coming to terms with it’. Yes, it is possible, but it takes time and a lot of patience. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. We all here know the pain, the at times almost unbearable pain, but we soldier on. Oh yes, ‘remember the good times’! Oh my goodness, how we would like to. It’s so easy to say but so hard to do. It’s far too soon for you to get such advice. It’s one day at a time for you at the moment. The pain of those last memories will fade given time, and you may well be able to remember the good times. Don’t force yourself to do anything. Let emotions come. Take no notice of the cliches and platitudes from those who have no understanding of the pain.
Take care. Try and be kind to yourself. John.

#3

Boroboy100, I’m sorry you loss your Dad. In the early days of grief one is trying to process whats happened. And of course the negative aspects get focused upon. I believe eventually one moves on to less upsetting/negative thoughts. It might take some time.
I’m now nearly 10 months down the line from the sudden loss of my Mum. Over the months, I’ve felt like i was making myself ill thinking about the negative stuff. Some days, I just had to say ‘that’s enough’ to myself. Just to try to give myself mentally/physically a break.
If you get a moment where you laugh at something embrace it, because grief so is hard.
Thinking of the good times might be easier when it is less painful.
You are in very early days and it will take time.

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