Losing my dad to suicide

I’ve been ill for a few years now with a nerve condition (not fibromyalgia) that causes constant pain… I’ve lost my life & who I am… I haven’t been able to work, to socialise as I normally would, to go on holiday, to even get out for a walk… I struggle to be around people & this mysterious condition has made me even more of a recluse. Last year in August… my father (after having a precedure for bladder cancer) stopped responding to calls, msgs etc. Long story short he had hanged himself in the old family home I grew up in. My dad was always hard work but I loved him. He was my friend & now there is the biggest hole in my life & heart. He was a single dad who brought me up. People say they know how it feels because they have lost people in death (due to illness etc) but to lose to suicide has to be the worst. He was 67. I know I won’t be the same again. But I feel so lost & misunderstood. Not by my husband, he has been an amazing support… but he can’t know exactly how I feel. I know no one can because we all react differently to events in our lives. But I’m at the point where I would rather shrink back into myself then try to get others to understand. I’m sick of talking & trying to be ok for others. I am not ok & I needed to put that out there. I feel like a useless waste of space but I am doing my best to endure & take one day at a time. To all who have lost… I feel your pain & grieve your way in your time.

Hello @rathe,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us. I am so sorry for the loss of your dad.

I can see you’re chatting to @Luna5, and I’m glad you are finding support on the community. I wanted to share these links with you too as I know some of our members who have lost someone to suicide have found them to be helpful.

You might also want to explore our Online Bereavement Support, where you find our Grief Guide self-help platform, our Grief Coach text support service, and how to access our Online Bereavement Counselling.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,
Seaneen

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