Losing my dad

I lost my dad nearly 4 weeks ago, it’s the hardest thing in the world to deal with. He had bowel cancer in 2020 but he fought it then, he got a stoma bag fitted which was difficult for a start but he dealt with it amazingly.

Roll on into September 2021 my dad started to feel unwell we went back and forth to the doctor’s and the hospital but they kept telling him he had a chest infection but it never seemed to clear. In January of this year I myself took my Dad to a and e to be told by one of the doctor’s he had liver cancer and they thought that we new. We were never told up till then.

My dad phoned myself and my mum from Hospital on the Tuesday to be informed from my Dad’s consultant that he had cancer in both lungs and also liver cancer. Being told this broke us all. But my dad said he would fight, but the case was they couldn’t do anything for him. Myself my mum dad and my hubby took my dad on a short Holiday in July for a few days, we came home on the Thursday and is stoma was bleeding took him to a and e and got sent home the next morning, I went to work and got home at 11am to see my dad was bleeding out,

He was taken away by ambulance on Friday and went to see my Dad on Saturday with my mum and he was tired but was doing ok, we told him we would see him on Sunday but I got the phone call on Saturday the 30th of July to say my dad has passed, they said he bleed to death through his stoma bag. I just can’t deal with things as I feel so angry I was with him and my mum every single day, my mum has now moved in with myself and my husband and our youngest son, I don’t no where to turn to as I am trying to be strong for everyone including my mum but I am struggling day to day I have lots of friends who support me but sometimes I just want to scream and say life is so unfair.

Hi @Angie21 welcome to the Community. I am so sorry for your loss.

It’s important to take one day at a time and be kind to yourself. I think you could benefit from registering with our recently-launched Grief Self-Help Service especially in these early days when things are so raw. It has some really useful information to help you cope with what you are going through right now.

Using the search facility here on the community forum is a good way of finding discussions that may offer you some solace. Many here have experienced similar loss and will understand much of what you are going through. I hope you continue to find it a source of guidance and support.

Take care.

Mick
Online Community team

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Hi sorry to hear about your dad. It is so hard. I also lost my dad to cancer. He also had a stoma bag fitted but for his bladder in 2017. He did marvelous for 3 1/2 years then along came Covid and his scans stopped.
He started getting pains in his shoulder and his GP told him it was a trapped nerve. This went on for 5 months. My dad even asked for a scan and was told there was no need. He then had a routine blood test for his cancer check up and something showed up.
He went into hospital 1 Friday , was told the next Friday he had advanced lung and bone cancer and he died 2 weeks later.
He wasn’t allowed visitors as it was a respitary ward so was given the information alone and then had to sit alone everyday knowing this. They wouldn’t even let me visit on Fathers Day. Although we were allowed to sit with him while he passed away.
It is heartbreaking and even now 13 months on he’s the first thing I think about in a morning and the last thing at night.
Have you tried Cruise councelling? It has helped me a little bit and I now write my feelings and thoughts down in a book. She also gave me the idea of planting sunflowers on my dads birthday with my grand daughter as a remembrance every year.
People say it gets easier but everyone’s journey is different. I still cry at least four days a week and people find that strange.
Just take each day as it comes. Cry when you want to. Don’t worry what others think. I remember how my dad loved life and that does help a little.
Most importantly look after yourself. Xxx

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Thank u for your message Sharon, I am so sorry to hear of your loss of your dad also, it’s honestly the most painful thing in the world losing a parent. I no.its still early days yet and I am trying so hard to deal with it but some days are actually harder than others. My mum has moved in with myself and my husband and our youngest son, I no she is struggling also and I try and staying stronger for her. And Ty Sharon I will try and look after myself also. And Ty for taking the time to read my message. U take care also x x x

I know exactly how you’re feeling. I’ve got no brothers or sisters so like you I’m trying to cope myself and look after my mum, although she doesn’t live with us but lives in the next village.
Hang in there. It’s because we loved them so so much it really does hurt xx

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