My Dad passed away in June of this year. I can;t think about anything else other than Dad. He meant everything to me. Moms not well (heart attack) and struggling after 62 years together. The pain you cannot measure, the gut wrenching agony that you simply can’t change anything is torture. Regrets, what ifs and memories come flooding back thick and fast every day.
One things for sure. Life won’t be the same again! I’m a rock steady 50 year old who feels like a child. Crying and desperately sad. Coping with my 50th birthday and Dads 80th all without Dad here to share the celebrations just nailed me to the ground. Christmas is going to be emotional and filled with sadness. How on earth do you move forward when you simply don’t want to? Since June the loss is greater than ever. God bless you Dad.x
Hi Gloslad,
welcome to the site. There are a lot of good folks here who will provide you with the moral and practical support you may need.
So sorry to hear of your loss. I understand what you mean about feeling like a child. I feel the same. Lost, bereft and frightened. I had a belter of “meltdown” yesterday in an all to public place, a supermarket of all things, to the bemusement of the staff and shoppers no doubt.
I lost my mother in November, I was her carer, and Christmas day would be her Birthday. So that is a milestone day I can well do without at present. I went in the supermarket and saw something that she would like and I bought it thinking how pleased she would be with this as a birthday/Christmas gift, only to realise what I have done when I got outside…then went back and had a refund and truned into a mound of blubbering jelly outside.
I don’t know what to say that will ease your grief. after all your milestones and now Christmas coming without your Dad, all I can say is try and celebrate your father…as others on this site have suggested light a candle, maybe? whatever you do remember that you deeply loved him…as for moving on with grief that is going to be difficult. It will take time. so please do not be disheartened and if you feel the tears coming on then let them flow…the fellings of guilt and regret are torture. I have been told that they are “normal” aspects of grief. I cannot help thinking about my little old mum every minute of the waking day and I ask myself is it going to get easier?
Sorry I cannot answer that.
Keep strong for your mum, her health must be compounding your anxiety? but aslo keep strong for yourself.
Take good care
David
Hi David
Thank you for taking the time to offer words of support and sharing they are very welcome. Sorry to hear the sad news of your Moms passing. I hope your Christmas is not as painful as you are thinking. You mentioned “is it going to get easier”?? I suspect it will! How and when is anybodies guess. One thing’s for sure reading others stories lets us all know we are not alone in grief. Grief is as common as joy only difference is we tend not to share grief. In grief we tend to go it alone. To show your feelings is being Human. To show compassion and kindness is being a great Human being.
Wishing yourself and others at this poignant and emotional time of year a better tomorrow as I guess that’s how you have to take it. “One day at a time”…
Thanks again for your kind words. Be good and go steady.
Gloslad