Losing my dad

Losing a parent
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I lost my dad in October of last year, he had been suffering with prostate cancer for about 5 years and was beginning to deteriorate. He picked up a chest infection which developed into pneumonia which he was to weak to fight off . I was at his passing with my brother unfortunately my sister didn’t make it in time. My mother is in a care home and has dementia which mainly effects her speech and short term memory, so having to break the news to her was quite traumatic. 5 months on I’m struggling to come to terms with losing him, he was a massive part of our lives . I have been feeling really angry recently which I don’t really understand and have just recently been trying to sort out an inscription for his headstone which was more upsetting than I was expecting. I don’t really know why I’m writing this but maybe it will help, I am very conscious of not burdening people with my grief although my wife is very supportive. Im probably rambling a bit now but hopefully it will help :crossed_fingers:

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Hello @27glenwoid,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community. I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling - I hope it has helped a bit to write it down.

I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

You’ve also mentioned feeling really angry recently - I think this is a feeling many of our members will identify with. You can also have a look at some of our Grief Guide resources on coping with anger.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,
Seaneen

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Thank you seaneen, I appreciate that and I will certainly make use of the resources available. Thanks again

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Hi @27glenwoid
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad on 29th November. He only had 11 weeks from diagnosis until death. My mind wanders to his neglect by GP to a few things that happened in the hospice in the 2 wks prior to his death. His last 3 weeks were so traumatic. Lost his mobility his speech and his sight and I was either bawling my eyes out or raging like a psychopath. My grief has not changed I cry every day sometimes for minutes sometimes for hours. Can be anywhere at any time. It’s so much more consuming than I could ever imagine.
What im trying to say is your feelings are normal.
I am still off work and can’t face going back although the pressure is in from family, friends and NHS where im a nurse.
I live alone & believed that not having someone to comfort me has held me back. Rest of my family are “back to normal”
I have found this for am to be so helpful. Everyone going through the same pain and sharing experiences helps me know I am not alone.
Your wife may not be suffering the same way you are. Everyone’s different. My sister has been back at work for months now and mum just accepts death as part of life. My “friends” never call or text and only saw them at dads funeral. Grief makes us feel so isolated. I believed I was actually going mad.
I hope you find some comfort here. Sometimes I just rant and take comfort from someone actually reading and responding. I’m sure chosing a headstone and its wording must be very difficult when your dad was so much more than a few sentences.
Take care
You are not alone

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Hi Lynne, thanks for your support, it sounds like you have been having a really tough time. I think your right this forum could really help, just to be letting your feelings out without having to worry about not understanding, everyone here has there own story and know the pain that you are feeling. I miss my dad every day and it feels like a physical pain and if I have a day when I’m feeling a bit better then I feel guilty for that. I think it’s just a day by day process and I really hope that you get some support to deal with your loss , it is early days for you and it’s not going to be easy but I think posting on this site is perhaps the 1st small step forward, my name is Mike by the way

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Hi Mike
I have found this group to be really helpful. I feel nobody family/friends understand my grief. I don’t completely understand it myself and have felt a lot of guilt because of that. I’ve been a nurse since 2006 and always believed “at least they got to a good age” NOT TRUE my dad would have been 83
4 days after his death. He was always a strong/fit man. Was out relaying all the slabs in the garden when he got admitted with chest pain. I was saying it was probably muscular due to exertion although he had a heart attack 3 years before. Anyway turned out it was lung cancer and I was more shocked than anyone at his rapid decline. I feel as a nurse I let him down. He refused carers and was managing ok until his last couple of weeks when he kept having falls. He was in hospice his last 2 weeks as I told you but kept saying “take me home” it broke my heart but there was no way we cud manage him at home. We had already waited 3 weeks on a hospital bed and dad would never have allowed me to do his personal care. You are totally correct in saying the pain is physical, you carry the weight in your heart as well as having a huge effect on your mental health.
I hope you find comfort here. There are so many people just like us who are struggling to come to terms with their loss. Everyone understands what you feel instead of thinking “you should be over it by now”
I’m currently trying to upgrade my garden and decking. A project my dad would have completed by now. I want to make him proud but it has made me miss him even more. He helped everyone family/friends/neighbours with their garden (whether you wanted him there or not) :grin: he would be chapping ur door at 7am with his tools :face_with_peeking_eye:
Hope you have a peaceful weekend Mike
Always here to chat or listen
Lynne