Losing my dad

I lost my dad this time last week. It was a short illness and he died in hospital. Every day is a struggle. I’m not an emotionally strong person but at the moment I’m stronger than my mum who has lost her love of 58 years. I’m trying to sort everything and arrange stuff. Taking one hour at a time. Waiting for those calls. Hopefully get the death certificate tomorrow so we can sort other stuff out that needs proof. £11 for each copy of a death certificate is ridiculous. I know it sounds mean and I know people mean well. But my house is full of flowers I can’t bear to look at I don’t need a reminder that I will never see my dad again. I can’t put the cards up another reminder. I felt some comfort today when a little white feather slowly fell from the sky in front of me so I caught it. I said thanks dad I know you are ok and at peace now. Have to wait 4 weeks til the funeral which is gonna hurt everyday until then. It breaks my heart thinking about my mum and her grief. Mum and dad are 76 and active until January dad started to decline. I find it good to write thing down it helps for a little while. What can I say to mum when I message each morning. How you doing? Pointless coz I know how you are doing. I don’t know what to say. We didn’t celebrate Mother’s Day didn’t seem appropriate we will celebrate later in the year when we are ready.

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Hi Ellejay13,

I’m very sorry for the loss of your Dad.

I lost my own Father in November 2022, 8 weeks after a cancer diagnosis. My dad was 70 years old, very fit and active, my parents are married 50 years but should have had so many more years together. Losing dad has turned out lives upside down and each day is like trying to navigate a new life that none of us wanted.

I am also trying to support my mum and like yourself, I took charge of sorting everything out after dad’s passing. Nothing will take the pain away but I have found that keeping both myself and my mum busy (when possible) has been helpful. Keep asking your mum how she is and keep talking to each other. I talk about my dad all of the time as it makes me feel close to him.

I have found this site and the people here very understanding. Writing my thoughts out is helpful especially when I’m having a particularly bad day.

Xx

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Hi Katherine

Thank you. I am sorry to hear of your loss. Sometimes you feel so alone but receiving your message and reading on this site shows I am not alone. I have today been told that the death certificate has been signed. Just called registrar to arrange registering dad’s death and can’t get in until next Monday 27 March. It’s small steps the whole sorting things out ticking one thing off at a time.

I feel stronger when I’m with mum and we do talk and have a laugh about thing we did and what dad said you can’t forget. I can’t look at photos right now but I will in time.

I hope you are okay feel free to drop me a message if you want to vent, rant, talk about your dad.

Lots of love to you

Xx

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Hi Ellejay,

Thank you. I didn’t realise how isolating grief was until I lost my dad. Everyone is lovely and supportive at first but it kind of feels like society expects us to be able to ‘get over it’ and then move on but this isn’t my ecperience. Thankfully, i have found that I can relate to many posts on here and I know there is no quick fix or moving on from losing someone you love so dearly.

You are helping your mum by making the arrangements and appointments. It’s a surreal experience but accomplishing small tasks each day helped me and I know my dad would be glad that I’m taking care of mum.

I couldn’t look at photos at first either and now I have lots of pictures of dad around the house which brings me comfort.

Always here if you want the chat.

Lots of love
Xx