Losing my dad

I watched my dad die in a hospice from heart, kidney and respiratory failure in October 2017. It’s still very raw and I’m struggling to deal with this. I’m having flashbacks and nightmares of Dad struggling to breathe and having to tell him that they have put him on an end of life care plan. I feel so lost without him. I knew I’d be sad and miss Dad when he died but I had no idea that grief was so overwhelming.

Hi Abs,

I’m so sorry to hear about your dad’s death. Your loss is still very recent and it is normal for the grief to feel very raw and overwhelming. It’s important to be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve in the way that you need to - try not to bottle things up.

The nightmares and flashbacks sound very difficult to deal with. The Loss Foundation has this information page on nightmares and flashbacks, which you might find useful: https://www.thelossfoundation.org/nightmares-and-flashbacks/

I’m really glad that you’ve found this Online Community, and I hope it helps a little to be able to share things here. While you wait for more replies to your post, you may find it helpful to read and reply to some of the other conversations in the Losing a Parent section: https://support.sueryder.org/community/losing-parent

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Thanks for your reply. I’m having counselling for my grief but am still finding it difficult. I miss him so much

I lost my dad in 2 weeks ago from the exact same thing! He ended up brain dead from the lack of oxygen from the cardiac arrest and the machines where shut off so I know exactly how you’re feeling. I can’t say anything that will make you feel better as I know that no one can say anything to me, best thing is to get out how you feel. I know what you mean that you feel lost, cause I don’t feel like I can go on with life without my dad

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I’m sorry to hear that, it’s such a horrible thing to witness and then the aftermath of coming to terms with things. I am hear to chat if you need to

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And you too, having someone who is going through the same thing can help

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I too have flashbacks of my dad’s last hours down to his last breathe. He had Parkinsons and mild dementia. I hate that I had to beg the care home to bring forward his next morphine dose as he was in so much pain (they didn’t), knowing what that last dose would bring. Begging my Dad to allow himself to be at peace. It will be a year on 5 Jan 2018 and at times I think I’m coping and others I don’t want to be in rhis reality.
I just wanted to let you know that something that has been helping is I’ve started writing to my Dad. I got a lovely book and write to him about how I feel, when I’m sad, about my kids and just how much I miss him. After I have written to him if feels like a weight has been lifted off me for a bit allowing me to finally fall asleep or do something without breaking down.

I don’t know what else to say because I don’t think you should have to keep strong etc. Just keep going however you can until life makes sense again. X

Thanks writing things down seems like a good idea. I know I’m only two months in and it will get easier. I have good days and bad like I expect everyone dealing with grief will. I just think life can be so cruel taking away the people we love. How can someone with so much presence be with you then gone.