Losing my dear mother

I lost my mother suddenly in March 2023 and I’m struggling with the grief. I don’t know how to deal with my emotions … anger, loneliness and an awful feeling that I failed her!

She lived with me and my husband and during the last year of her life she became very demanding and controlling of my life. I found myself feeling very resentful, angry and frustrated with the situation and ended up walking around the house saying to myself that I hated her! Of course I didn’t hate her and would’ve done anything for her. She was my absolute best friend and rock and she always supported me to the best of her ability.

I have a younger brother who, since marriage has become estranged from his family. Some of my anger and frustration was obviously due to his lack of respect towards his parents and myself. I was also frustrated that my life was consumed in caring for my mother.

My mental health was at breaking point and my relationship with my husband became strained.

I’m angry with the hospital for the lack of care and feel I have no one to talk to about it. I’ve considered getting private bereavement counselling but it would put a drain on our resources.

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Hello @Sukin ,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling like you are struggling with your grief and feel frustrated and angry. I’m so sorry to hear about your mother. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

Hi
When i read your message it made me cry because what you put reminded me of my own guilt over my mum. She died 4 weeks ago and like you i was her main carer for a long while and i too resented this. My 2 brothers carried on with there lives like she wasnt even in it and just left me to it. I realise now it should be them im angry at and not my beautiful mum. If it hadnt been for you and me our mums would have had no one, so we should be proud of that. Like you i loved my mum more than i ever realised, she knew that, it was me who forgot. On one of her last days in the hospice she told me she would miss me the most, my heart broke into a million pieces that day and is broken still.
Ive had some messages on here from lovely people, all grieving in different ways but all in pain but taking the time to share experiences to try and help each other through. Keep messaging my lovely and i hope you find some comfort soon
Big hugs❤️

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It is important to talk. If you are waiting for help you can call Cruse and text with Grief chat. They can’t say much but you can get it off your chest. I lost my Mum after looking after her and it found some people in the same situation in this site. People who haven’t been a carer don’t seem to understand but we do. Keep posting and people will help you through. There are many good people who’ve been through trauma. Be kind to yourself, anger is a huge part of it.

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Hello I lost my mum in March 2023 to and I am still struggling so much and sometimes I even have moments of total disbelief.

I have so much pent up anger and I stress at the most minor things, I guess I am just angry at the world for taking my Mum!

I have bereavement counselling too early I think and I am considering doing it again because I really am struggling with this thing called ‘life’

I often blame myself and suffer with guilt because for some reason I feel like it could have been prevented but I know it does no good thinking that way because it won’t bring her back.

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I definately think we all feel guilt of some sort and i think its a normal part of the grief we feel. We can blame ourselves but like you say it doesnt change anything and our loved ones are still gone. So many remarks on this site relate back to guilt so were not alone but i think we have to try to remember what we did and not what we didnt.
Take care, hugs❤️

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Thank you all for the advice and support it means an awful lot. It’s good to know that I’m not alone (I started to think that I was going mad!)

Pent up anger is awful it’s like a volcano waiting to erupt and it’s normally focused on my poor husband.

My poor husband gets the blunt end of my anger to but he know’s why. Its good that we both have supporting hubbys to rant and rave at. Dont know what would have done without him and family/ friends in last few weeks, so sad that ive lost my mum but also showed me what special people i have in my life. Hugs❤️

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Hi @Jess1 I feel like I could have wrote this :broken_heart: Here if you ever want to message. I’m so angry at the world too and the unfairness of it all. It makes me feel it’s so hard to cope with everything and everyone. I wish I could have also done things differently. My mum would still be here if only I could’ve known she had cancer sooner and told her to go to the doctors sooner. I miss her so much I’m completely broken inside and it’s changed my whole psyche. I can’t breathe without thinking about it and missing her so much it hurts. I am so miserable now all the time and I hate how I must come across to others now but I can’t find joy anymore and I’m just so unhappy and angry about it all​:cry:.

Hi i lost my mum a few weeks ago.i do update. I have feltmany things and even angry that the hospital let my mum diwn and thst we lost her.
Every day is a struggle and i don’t think anyone understands until they have lost a parent.
All.i can say is its the worst pain i have ever felt.
Hope u find a way to stay strong x

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