My abusive dad died 6 months ago and since before he was ill I hadn’t seen him for years I didn’t think I would be that affected, but having two of my closest friends drop off the face of the earth as soon as I needed them has broken my heart more than losing a parent. None of my friends ask, no one checks in, I’m not close with the rest of my family so it feels like I have to deal with this all on my own. It feels like they’ve forgotten or just don’t care, and for me that’s been a worse feeling to grapple with that losing a parent
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I am so sorry. Even if you’re not close to someone, or they’ve been unpleasant to you, it’s normal to feel grief when they go. There will be some people around you who care deeply for you, but I imagine they don’t know how to start a conversation with you. It’s hard to know how to deal with grieving people. I’m sure that you are loved, and you are not the only person to be going through a situation like this.
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I am so sorry, both for what must be a very complicated grief and for the loss of your friends.
Unfortunately this seems to be common after loss - I experienced it myself after the death of my dad. I was utterly heartbroken, first over the death of my dad and then the realisation that I clearly meant very little to someone I thought was my best friend.
It took over a year and some work, but I put my energies into other relationships and I’m happier for it and moved on. I no longer consider her a friend and I’m fine with that now.
I don’t know if this would be helpful for you, because we all have our own ways of dealing with stuff, but I wrote a letter to my friend that said everything I felt about how she let me down - with no intention of sending it. Just putting my feelings into words was good.
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