I am here tonight to just put all my thoughts off how I feel today , today I went out for a meal in a pub with my nephew then out toccata for a coffee we talked all the time and I loved it then he dropped me off at home I was happy then tonight the tears have come back as I do miss my husband so much I miss all the compliments he would shower me whenever I was out and came home he would say hi beautiful are you OK I miss all of that wish I had recorded all off that then I could hear him say it to me , I saw two of his carers the other week and they reminded me of something he would say every night when they where taking him to bed and he used to have us all in stitches laughing at it but that was my husband always laughing always joking and always smiling and that’s what I miss and I always will there can and will never be another man like him he was definitely one of a kind and that’s what makes all of it so hard I just miss him so much I never even thought about my life without him
It sounds like your husband was such a kind and caring man. You have so many wonderful memories to treasure. I can hear how much you miss him and long for the life you shared with him.
It’s good that you had a lovely time with your nephew and I can understand how you felt so sad and tearful again after it ended and you were back home.
I hope you managed some sleep last night and today will seem a little brighter.
Thank you for your understanding i did get some sleep but woke up with my tears this morning its.all becaise paul was in hospital for a chest infection but he needed a lot of care to help.him with his bowels and the hospital stopped it and never spoke to us i was only allowed 1hr a day as it was on covid time if it had have been normal times i would have been there all day and i mean all day so that would never have happened so.i feel i let him down it.was all my fault i did not.fight.hard.enough for him as i was not.allowed the time with him and its the not.know did paul.forgive me or is he still.angry with me i just wish i new i would love.to.see a phycic to tell.me and maybe put my mind to rest its all the not knowing
Hi sassyshic
I understand exactly how you feel. I spent the day building a wood shed for my neighbour completely occupied with the work pleased with the compliments only to arrive home and cry my eyes out. I’ve always done everything with my beautiful wife in mind, her praise was what made life so wonderful. The emptiness that is left without her is unbearable.
I hope things improve but I can’t see how.
Hi Sarah. Feeling guilt about things we did or didn’t do for our loved ones before they died seems to be something that lots of us struggle with.
I find myself going over and over what happened and wondering if I could have changed anything. Your heartache comes from the strong love you shared and wherever you believe your husband to be, he and you both know the depth of the love you shared.
My day has been like the weather i am so.lost in this that i do.not know what to do with myself its that time of nite when we shut the world out and again it makes.it worse not having anybody to talk to and nobody phones its just.to quite for.me thats when my mind goes to thinking off everything thank you for taking the time to talk to me on here having nobody to talk to hurts more than anything
I don’t know if this is possible for you. Having lost my husband 3 months ago and feeling totally lost, very tearful, thinking endlessly if the ‘what ifs’ today I took a deep breath and went out. I went to the local bereavement group held once a month at the library. This took a hell of a lot for me to do but I felt I had to. I didn’t know anyone. I was made to feel very welcome. No pressure, no judgement just support. Others there had lost their loved ones earlier or later than I had. All at varying stages of grief. Many tears fell. I could talk about my husband, people saw me crying, I saw them crying. Hugs were plentiful. I’ve returned home still very much in grief, how could I not be, but I felt safe in that group, safe to talk, safe to cry, it meant a lot. We are in this grief storm together. Will I go again? I need to process how I feel about today and go from there. It hasn’t reduced my grief however I do know there are so many of us in grief. I send a big hug to you all. We all need each other
Thank you for that i have been thinking about.going.to a.beravement group bit i want.to.go then i don’t want.to go i know i am bieng silly but you see i take everybodys grief on ans just pile it on mine and feel.worse i cannot.let people see me cry or be weak i hide it all.away and paint a face on for the outside world and if anybody asks me i say i am fine when inside i am screaming.at.them look at.me i am not ok this has broke me i am actually trying to.type this message through a barrage of tears thats how i feel today bloody hopeless without him
Hi Claudie
Were there many men in the group? I’ve been thinking about doing something similar but I feel like being a man you are supposed to cope. I thought about going to a phycologist or something but I’m not used to sharing except with my wife, I never needed anyone else. It’s only six weeks since died but it seems to be getting more difficult.
At the group this morning I was told not to say ‘I’m ok’ when people ask because I /we are NOT ok.
We are in this grief storm where we try to protect ourselves as can’t let others see us bereft.
We are all hurting like hell and need to think of ‘us’ not what we we want others to see.. it is absolutely fine to say ‘no I’m not ok I’m hurting I’m lost’. Let them deal with the response.
I didn’t sleep well last night (well since my husband passed I don’t sleep at all well) I was thinking should I go to this group, can I go to this group, what if they don’t want me, I though of a thousand reasons not to go.
I made myself look presentable (I don’t need to do that for anyone anymore) and off I went.
My heart pounding, my stomach churning, my knees trembling, I opened the doors and just burst into tears. I was made welcome, I was hugged, I was told it’s alright to cry, to grieve is because I loved him so deeply.
It’s a huge step I know, but I did it. I cried all the way home and hope my lovely husband saw me trying to carry on.
It’s really hard. If you can muster the courage to go, please do. You feel very safe.
Sorry I forgot, yes I was pleasantly surprised how many men were there. Of all ages might I add. They too need comfort and support as we females do. They too felt able to shed tears.
Thanks Claudie
Yes I’m going to have to do something like this as staying at home doesn’t help at all. I think your brave choice was the right way to go. Thanks
Brandon 1
It wasn’t easy for me, I really had to force myself to go as I’m not a group / sharing kind of person and I was very much on my own, felt very alone, until I walked through that door. I’m pleased I did it. If you can also take this step you won’t regret it. A huge huge step. I’ll be thinking of you and if you do go please let me know how it went for you.
Big hug
Your comments resonate so strong ,we often pretend to the outside world we are fine but are anything but. How can we possibly fine when out whole world’s have been thrown into turmoil and despare. Im 9 weeks in and struggle daily ,worst times well if honest all the time but esp climbing the stairs to bed and waking up to the reality of another day after tossing and turning all night. I have to keep telling myself one day this will get easier but I dont know if it ever will. People say it does so I will keep trying to live in hope. That’s all most of us have now ,hope we can accept and deal with the tornado of grief we are currently stuck in.
Your post having just read is very encouraging, I am by nature not a very sociable type of person and find talking to strangers hard ,but I am going to try and talk myself into trying a group of bereaved people just if even to sit and listen . I dont want to cut myself off until I go crazy . Thank you for encouraging people. I hope you go again and get comfort and hope from your meetings .
Belinda 1
Big hug for you - 9 weeks is very early in this grief storm. I am at 12 weeks, how I’ve got here I truly don’t know. Every day is full of tears. The mornings, the afternoons, the evenings, the bedtimes and on and on it goes. Yes time passes, time moves on, certainly not in the way I want it to. I’ve put a framed photo in every room in the house, at the top of the stairs, so when I’m walking into a room I can see him and have a little chat. Tearful? Oh yes. I’d like to say ‘it gets better’ I don’t know. I’m navigating it just being me and not us Forcing myself to go the bereavement meeting was huge. If you have one where you can go, I hope you find yourself at peace to go. You can cry without wanting to stop, you don’t have to say sorry to anyone, it really is a very safe place.
I hope I eventually find my place in my new world. We all take baby steps. You’re not alone in how you feel
I agree with you berlinda, Claudie’s bravery is what I’m going to use to force myself to give it ago. It was always my wife who spoke to everyone, she got on with everybody and I was very comfortable as the post that would nod and smile. I’ve spent most of the afternoon trying to find somewhere to go that sounds comfortable but I’ll just have to choose one and jump in. Today has been worse than most Saturdays as it carnaval here in Spain and everyone is singing and dancing I just can’t stop thinking of my wife who was everything to me.
Thank you so much for your kind words. So many of us are going through this hell. I too struggle with this now me and not us situation. I am going to force myself to try some grief counselling or social group of fellow i will call us survivors. I wish you all the best on your journey of grief and hopefully eventual healing. The best we can do in our loved ones memory is at least to try and cope. Wishing you all the best . Take care of yourself .
Forcing myself to go the bereavement meeting was huge. If you have one where you can go, I hope you find yourself at peace to go. You can cry without wanting to stop, you don’t have to say sorry to anyone, it really is a very safe place.