I cannot stop the tears.tonight.oh how.i wish.my husband.was.here he.would.be.able.to.make.this.better nobody can make it.any better.my heart is.broken and i miss him why oh why did this have to.happen i don’t kniw.how to.cope or even move on without him he needed me because he was poorly bit nobody.new how much how very much i needed him now he has gone and been gone for 5yrs and it still feels the very same this is friday night and all i can think about.is what we would be doing and what i am doing now just crying my heart out and thinkinf of going to bed on my own and then the mind starts thinking all over again that i don’t.get.much sleep then its morning and it starts all over again i dom’t kniw how much i can do.this for i just want him , him to hold me , him to comfort me , him to still say hiya beautiful , but all that is gone just gone to soon and i am struggling to cope nobody visits nobody calls me i feel like throwing my phone at.the wall what is the point of any of this i look at my phone and will it to.ring just ring somebody just ring and there is nothing i might as well switch it off and put it in a drawer gone from my phone ringing all day when he was here and now nothing bloody nothing so.you see i don’t count or even matter anymore this is so.painful
Hi
Thank you for your.kind.words.but i do not feel like that anymore the world just feels empty without him and i always feel i am the one that should not be.here cannot help that at all nobody knows how empty my life is .
For me I feel it is space, not empty. My husband Was and will be. Only a different arrangement and use of space that he made. Giving agency back to those we love is hard. I have no control over my husband and his story. I was along for the glorious ride of his life.
I will never remarry. For me I have walked for us both all this time. For each it is different. Many queens survived loss. Many queens took over their task and became renewed. Small queens and big ones. I am again so sorry to learn of your suffering and send you your comfort of choice
I am like you i will never remarry that is not what i want i foond paul at the age.of 17 hes was 20 and he took me on this wonderful journey with him and for that i am grateful but i was 63 and paul was 65 when he passed away and i feel we still had a lot of life left to live going on holidays in our retirement and we never got that and that is what makea it so hard i cannot do thd things we planned as he is not here and i know i cannot.do them on my own they where our dreams i feel so.lost and do not know how to.deal.with it.all
We signed on and I will not sign off not matter what. We were and are an engine. I’m almost 60 and 30 years together. This wasn’t a whim and he trusted me. It seems perhaps likewise for you. To me this marriage is bigger than him and me. It took decades to build. In that I interpret my husband trusted me and that shines. There is no emoji for an enormous blanket would you like to have one in black and green. I’m so sorry
You did have a wonderful journey. My husband also planned for the future of vistas and that seems to be an idea that isn’t really true when we sit in this seat. It is about the time we had AND the dreams we had. However the Future and Dreams are not as important I realize now. Anything could have ended the dreams, even a small thing. Unrealized they are still yours (plural). I hear your pain and am so sorry for your experience of this.
Did(past tense) I intend to continue my journey, I lost my wife of fifty five years after nursing her through four years of cancer, I loved and cherished her with all my heart,I was devastated when she died and was near the edge,that is until a chance meeting with my local vicar,and his sage advice hit home,would you want to swop places with her and put her through this NO, did you keep your wedding vows YES,do you remember the last five words of those vows I have changed many things now and my life is no longer cold, empty, lonely and with no purpose.
Oh I’m so sorry you’re still feeling so bad. I’m 4 months down after my partner’s sudden death. I really can’t see how I’ll ever feel happy again. I’d stopped crying as much but this has been a bad week and the tears and anxiety are back. Do you have any relatives or friends you can confide in? Have you attended counselling or a bereavement group? I’m not saying that those things will work for you but sometimes just getting out of the house for a while makes it more bearable. Some have suggested having a pet is comforting plus it gives them a focus. Perhaps visiting your GP and asking for medication may help for a while. Losing a partner rips your heart out, you are not the same person anymore. Everyone using this site knows those feelings of sheer despondency and heartbreak. You are not alone.
I have not tried any of the things you mention i keep wanting to.go to a bereavement group but i keep.putting it off i cannot face.it i cannot have any meds for it as off my epilepsy meds my doctor understands how.i feel.as they new this.would happen as a couple that where so.close as we where this was not going to be a easy path for.me i had 6wks phone counselling but that has not changed anything no one can change the loniness or the quiteness i had a very busy home and phone now paul is not here there is no.busy home no phone calls no nothing and thats why i feel so alone friends what are them i have no one to ring me and ask how are you what you doing today fancy meeting up.for.a.coffee nothing like that at.all and i do not know how to cope with.all.of that
I started making videos to coach myself through them I rewatch them. The person I would have spoken with, my husband, wasn’t very helpful but he was around. So I talk to my phone instead and I reply to myself as well. I have a body pillow shaped like a whale that I hold and talk to and I put a calming heartbeat device made for pets inside of it. This isn’t my first rodeo unfortunately so I already learned some ways to manage. I am so sorry for your pain.
Also many have said to keep sound and lamps around you I keep a birdsong with chimes sleep track on repeat and a nursery lamp that makes patterns on at all times in every room. I can’t tell you how I made it because I don’t know, however I understand where you are. Sending a cool calm peace to you.
So sorry to hear of your loss. I too know how you feel my beloved passed suddenly 2 years ago I feel his loss every day more so at night I’ve had many a sleepless night. I cry often he brought so much joy to my life I miss him so much every day especially when I come home from work as he would often ask how my day went if I was having a bad day he would give me a hug and everything would be ok. How I miss his hugs so much.
I have changed many things now and my life is no longer cold, empty, lonely and with no purpose.
