Hi
Just having a bad day with missing my husband I blame myself for his death if I had been allowed to visit him in hospital for more than 1hr maybe he might still be herethat I do not know I also had a very busy house everyday 8 carers 1night sitter and a team of district nurses at times I used to crave a bit of piece and quite and now I have all the piece in the world and I hate it and that makes me feel guilty for thinking that now my house is so empty and quite I actually hate it and I am sorry paul sorry that this lady your wife of 44yyrs let you down so badly sorry for not getting it right for you , you where the most wonderful caring man in this world who gave me everything and I let you down when you needed me the most I am glad you put your life in my hands you new I would do a good job and I did but at the last hurdle I let you down and for that I am truly and deeply sorry please forgive me my darling I miss you so much and it hurts me everyday
Sarah 
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Hi Sarah, I hope you don’t mind me calling you Sarah.
It’s all to easy to blame ourselves for our partners passing, and we all think “Why didn’t I do that?” “I should have done that”. This is normal but I’m 99.9% certain you did everything that you could, that you didn’t let your husband down and he knew you loved him and he wouldn’t blame you for anything.
Let me, if I may, tell you my own experience and then maybe you’ll see what I mean.
My partner died in November at home, in my arms. I was looking after her in her final week at home, and although I was at her beck and call, I didn’t sit with her all the time, in fact I often went and sat in the living room and watched tv while she lay in bed (She told me too but still) in fact the day she died and was in agony and we were waiting for the nurse, I still went and made a coffee and sat down for a bit rather than sit at her side constantly.
Ever since her death I’ve been riddled with guilt, should I have stayed at her side? Could I have done more? Should I have called an ambulance rather than wait for the nurse? Would she have still been here? No.
She passed away at home which is what she wanted, and it was just her and me at the end, what she wanted. Don’t get me wrong, I replay that day over and over and over, but as time moves on, I think she wouldn’t be angry with me, she would be thankful for the love that we had, and we shared in her final moments…… I’m sure your husband would be the same, you didn’t let him down, he knew you loved him, he wouldn’t blame you, and he wouldn’t want you to blame yourself.
Sending you love and prayers, and take care of yourself.
We, this community, are all here for you.
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