I am a widow of nearly 6yrs and I still find it hard and a lonely place to be in I came on here in a hope that I could find people in the same situation as me and maybe have some friends on here to talk to about how I am not coping people think I should be over it now how can someone tell me heo I get over losing my soulmate we where married for 44years those where the happiest years of my life till paul got ill then it all changed I did not mind as caring for him was everything and I loved him so much , I know people.on here have lost someone so I am looking for.a.bit of help I am a good person I like knitting and making my own cards I do not sell them my knitting I give away to people worse off than myself I am also very chatty and some people do not.like that so I try to be quite I have quite a few coping mechanisms one is to punish myself and put myself down the other is to.go very quite when I am told I am too chatty it is my only way of coping I know I am.a good person but punish my self as a bad person something I have always done I cannot help.this if I am to chatty I do apologise upfront at least I feel I am bieng honest honesty and truthfulness has been how I have been all.my life my honesty does not always work.for me as I am to honest and very open I hope people on here do not find me to chatty or to honest and would like to.talk to.me and help me with how.i feel
Unfortunately, everyone here is in the same lousy situation.
I was 48 when my husband died, leaving me to care for our seriously disabled daughter. I had already lost my mum and dad and my sister and brother in law within less than two years of being widowed.
There was nothing else I could do but step up to the challenge for the sake of our children. I didn’t want to, but had no choice. I had never lived alone, never walked into a pub on my own, never had a boyfriend before him, having met him at 16.
I soon came to understand that nobody was going to save me.
I did voluntary work and joined a bereaved site similar to this one.
I made new friends. It wasn’t easy, but I did it. I eventually met a lovely man who lost his wife. Now we are both happy.
I have been asked how long the pain lasts.
As long as you allow it.
Wishing you strength.
Jane xx
I have read your story and that must have been so difficult for you at such a young age to lose the one person you love the most I gave also never dated my husband was a blind date I had never met him before and it was love at first site we had a happy marriage then he passed away at the age of 65and I thought that was young and how do I carry on I have been struggling to find my place in this world without him nothing seems the same anymore I am glad that you found someone to be happy with I wish I had a clone of him in the wardrobe ready to take his place what a perfect world that would be .
I wasn’t looking for a clone, neither would I ever want to be one. I am me, and he is him. If I thought for a single second that either of us was trying to replicate, I would end the relationship.
Nobody can compete with a ghost. Lost partners can sometimes be elevated to saints. No one is perfect, despite how much we kid ourselves.
But, thank you, we are both happy now. What went before has gone. Acknowledged and respected, but no longer relevant.
I hope everyone here finds happiness eventually, or at least peace.
Jane xx
I was not saying about looking for a clone of him I was thinking it would be nice and in a prefect world which we do not live in I am not looking for anyone but it would be nice to have someone to do all the day to day things with that would be lovely but I think that will never happen for me I am happy you found that one for you I dont think it is for everybody although it would be nice but I would have to go out first and I dont do that so not sure if it will ever happen for me sorry
I am so glad someone gets me some people don’t get me at all I am not lookingvfar a clone of paul I am saying in a perfect world wouldn’t it be lovely just to have a clone of the waiting to take over that’s all I am not looking for for another man or even if I found one would I ever compare them to paul and i am so glad you understand what I am saying thank you for that your ray sounds as wonderful as my paul we where both very lucky
