Hi
I am wide awake which means I am still here still missing paul ,still crying I am sick of this pain i don’t want it anymore I just need payl to make me feel better feel like a big fraud putting this face on for other people they never see the pain and if I show it they don’t care they just think I should be ok know and I am not this is a pain that you cannot take 2 paracetamol for then it will go I know this sounds awful but I cannot wait for them to find out what this is like just then they will say to themselves omg I now know how sarah felt , I loved my husband with all my heart and when he got ill I could not do enough for him and my family saw how much love and care i put into caring for him so much so that my brother came down to a&e when paul had ,had his 6th stroke and said to me if you need help ask for it not off them he meant off social services we did get help as paul needed it by then but it did not stop me wanting the best for him and by God I made sure of that I could do everything for him and he knew it I got trained in everything I could change a catheter, I could give injections, I could do bladder washouts, I was better than any srn and my GPS new that paul put his life on my hands as he knew I was good and would take care of him and my standards where so high my own GPS where in awre of me I loved him so much I would have done anything for that man that is why my life is no longer the same since he passed away I have all thos time and no one to give it to oh how I miss you paul so darned much it just hurts my days are empty now and my nights are lonely I wish you where here my love to cuddle me and wipe away my tears 
this life is so darned empty without you here with me I need you and miss you like crazy surely its my time to come and be with you again there is nothing and no one down here for me I just need your strong arms to hold me at night and tell me everything is going to be ok 
Not so sweetlady at the moment