Losing my husband

I lost my husband nearly 16 months ago and the first year it seemed like I was in shock and just going through each day but now it is reality and it is such a deep grief! People say to me that I have ‘turned the corner’ but inside the sorrow is unrelenting. We were married for 52 and a half years — three children and three grandchildren— all living nearby and so supportive. Friends and neighbours are marvellous and I am very fortunate but there is always one very important person missing! I’m still in disbelief.

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Dear Dorrie,
I think that for many of us on this caring site the same pattern has emerged. The first year you are in disbelief as I think it’s the minds way of coping with the trauma of losing your loved one. There is so much to sort out with the funeral and paperwork and so forth that it’s a distraction for the mind.
Then for me reality kicked in some time after and I realized the love of my life had gone and I had to try to come to terms with it which I have found very difficult at times…
Other people often say how well you are doing but that suits them better than you as until they are in the same position they can never truly understand the heartache
that you feel.
You had a long marriage as many on here have had and when you think that 52 years of your life was spent with one person that’s a lot of time.
I’m glad that you have your supportive family near by and that they can be there for you.
I’m not sure if this is any help to you but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone with your thoughts.
Keep posting as we’re all in the same boat on here one way or another.
Love Jenny x

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Dear Dorrie and Kingfisher
I am just over two years of loss and still I feel the utter pain of the loss of my soulmate who I was with57 years, 54 of them married, Friends have said to me that I am doing well and occasionally I think I am but I know deep down I’m not and never will be whole again after such A terrible loss so now I have to live with this hole in my life which one day I hope will not be so painful. I hope we will all find peace in our lives. Best wishes to everyone in pain.

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Hello all it is a physical pain like no other. I’ve tried explaining it but just can’t. I have people here in our house now but the emptiness is palpable. I feel like I’m drowning.x

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@Loobyloo2 it really is indescribable and hard. Surrounded by people but completely lost and alone. The physical pain and the emotional meltdown afterwards so intense. Thinking of you and sending love and support :broken_heart:

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We would have celebrated our 54th Wedding Anniversary last week. :partying_face:. We always celebrated it no matter if it was going for a morning coffee, afternoon tea or evening meal.

My grief comes in waves. Some days I can cope but other days I cry and cry. Although I had a lot of support in the first year from certain friends, now it seems they have drifted into the distance. It’s almost as though they think a year has passed and so you are OK. Little do they know it feels worse because the realisation hits that you will never see him again. It is such a deep grief in the pit of the stomach. :smiling_face_with_tear:

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Hi @Dorrie,

Sorry to have missed your post earlier. It seems no matter how much I check I miss someone’s post.
You are ahead of me and had more time together so I don’t know how much help I can be. We had almost 29 years of marriage when my darling husband died last April. I’m dreading our anniversary in May as we intended to have a party for our 30th and had already discussed it a bit.
I miss Richard so much but I am really busy, which may be why I am coping fairly well a lot of the time. Either that, or I’m still in that first year of numbness @Kingfisher talked about.
I do still have many moments when the tears fall or are not far away but once I am engrossed in a job which needs doing, or taking my daughter somewhere I can usually get on with it ok.

Sending you all love and prayers for peace.
Hugs
Karen xxx

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I tried to watch my wedding dvd and as soon as i heard my husband voice i had to stop it it did not help as my mum was also in it and i lost her to cancer 8th Oct 2019 and then my Husband lost his battle with cancer 20th Oct last year

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@sue11
I haven’t tried watching any videos yet or reading his old letters yet. Not sure when I’ll try.
:heart: xxx

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Its so hard i can look at photos of him but as soon as i saw him in the dvd it just got to much i think it was because he was well and fit then and now i feel so down and crying all the time

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I feel SO SAD today. My husband has been dead 17 months now and apart from family, no one mentions him anymore. Life is just going along for everyone and I’m totally lost. I keep looking back at the last few months before he died and I keep reviewing everything over and over. It almost feels that I can change things!. However, at the end of the day, it just doesn’t change the outcome! Then the tears start to fall. :smiling_face_with_tear:

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So sorry for the lost of your Husband i lost my husband 4 months ago and and i feel so lost i keep going over every thing that happened and asking myself if i did everything i could to help my husband i find talking to people on here helps me alot

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@sue11
I can completely understand that. My husband was fit and well all his life so looking at any photo or video of him makes it hard to believe he had a silent killer around his heart.
Hugs xxx

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@Dorrie
I started a thread called A Bit About Our Loved ones as I’d certainly enjoy hearing more about our wonderful other halves. Funny anecdotes especially welcome.
I hate it when other people won’t talk about him but I’m lucky as most people around me do.
Hugs xxx

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Dorrie I’m so sorry that you feel this way , I understand as I’m in the same position , Husband of almost 59 years died 18 months ago . Like you I feel this second year is so difficult , time just drags by even though I keep busy life is just not the same is it ?
We can only plod on as best we can I suppose .

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Hi ~

I’m feeling so sad and sorry for myself

Hi Shirley

I’m feeling so sad. I seem to be re-living everything as his illness was diagnosed just around this time two years ago. It was just after Easter he went for his op (day after Easter Monday). Then the nightmare began and my husband was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer and passed away in September. It feels so much worse now being in the second year. I have family and friends and they are wonderful but I feel so ‘alone’ without my dear husband of 52 and a half years.

Dorrie

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So sorry for your loss my husband battle with colon and liver cancer for 1 and a half years and then was told the chemo was not working and he only had 6 months left he passed away on 20th Oct last year and i miss him so much i hate cancer so much it also took my Mum Oct 2019

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My husband had three sessions of chemo with an intended 6 sessions. After the third session he had a CT scan and was then told that the chemo wasn’t working and he had 3 to 6 months to live and they put him on Palliative Care. He died less than 6 weeks after being told. He was so brave. He died at home with the family by his side and with me gripping onto his hand telling him how much I loved him.

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I was also holding my husbands hand when he died its the hardest thing i have ever had to do people say to me how brave i was to be there for him untill the end but it does not stop the pain i am feeling plus it was not me who was the brave one it was my husband

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