Hi i lost my husband on the 6th January 2023 he was only 47 he took ill suddenly on the Wednesday and on the friday he passed away he had severe pneumonia which came out off the blue i am totally devastated i cannot stop crying i feel lost and so sad
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@Joseph24 I’m so sorry for your recent loss at what is a young age. I think everyone here will tell you that the loneliness after losing your loved one can be overwhelming and the emotional and physical pain like nothing you could ever imagine. We are all at different parts of the journey none of us ever chose but everyone here will recognise any emotion you might feel. Post as you need. You will find empathy and support. xx
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So sorry for what ypu are going through all i can say it gets a bit easier through time.i lost my partner in November still early days and some days r worse than others. It is a storm you have to endure and i pray you will find peace x
Thank you x
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@Joseph24
So sorry. You must still be in terrible shock from this happening. My husband died very suddenly too with no warning so I recognise that aspect, not that watching them slowly deteriorating, which others have had to endure, can be any easier.
I hope you will find support on here. There are some wonderful people who understand what you are going through including some at a similar age. My husband was 60, which I still feel was way too young.
Love
Karen xxx
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@Joseph24 a very similar situation and timing. My Mags was only 57 and she died on 6th Jan from multiple organ failure secondary to sepsis and pneumonia. No one expected her to die, she was just sedated to ‘let her body fight the infection’. I am a rabbit in headlights and my whole world has turned upside down. I can’t bear life without her, but I have a daughter and so I must. I am currently looking at this site to look out for people who have somehow ‘got through’ this. It’s what I did when I stopped drinking 25 years ago and it worked, eventually. I can see hope here and there. At the moment it doesn’t feel possible, but I hope I find it one day. I hope you find it too.
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I am ten months in to this grief journey and yes, it IS easier than it was at the start. The shock took quite a while to get over in the first place as Richard went out one Monday night as usual, slim, fit and off to play his weekly football. He suffered a coronary embolus and never even got to an A&E department. He was with one of the other players who is a Dr and he tried to resuscitate when it got that serious but to no avail.
I think the acceptance that this is real was my first hurdle. It seems so impossible, how could it be? Living in the house every day without him meant that it was all too real. My older daughter, who doesn’t live here, I think took longer to get used to that.
Secondly, I have accepted that there is no point in ‘what if’s as what happened DID and nothing can change that. I certainly had those for quite some time and they still do rear their head even now.
A lovely friend I made from here sent me a book called Resilient Grieving by Lucy Hone after sending me a link to a TED talk she did. I am finding that good.
Now I am a still close to tears quite often but they are less all consuming and happen less frequently. I am very busy, which I have no choice about anyway, but I think that helps sometimes. I still need to find the fine balance between being so busy I don’t allow the grieving time and allowing the emotions their own space. Work in progress but it is better and I do laugh sometimes and enjoy some activities. For me those are ones I did without Richard, I still can’t face things we did together yet but I will sometime.
Have a look at a post on here called Things that Help by Walan, it is very good.
If I can link to it I will. Not sure how to.
Love
Karen xxx
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Thank you so much for taking the time to post, Karen. I’m so sorry about Richard. His death seems as pointlessly cruel as Mags’. Or indeed anyone’s on here I suppose. I don’t imagine the concept of a ‘good death’ ever actually is. Not for those left behind anyway. Thanks also for pointing me to Walan’s post and to the other resources. I will have a look, and it is genuinely helpful to hear that this can be different, later. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life miserable and bereft. I know Mags wouldn’t want it either, so thank you for the future ray of light. Austyn xx
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@Joseph24 Just a quick check in. Feel free to keep posting as you need. This journey is so hard and the roller coaster of emotions can be overwhelming so share them here if it helps. Love and support xx
Sending you lots of love xx
So sorry to hear you lost your lovely husband so young. I wish we could just hold each other and cry. I lost my husband last Saturday. It’s beyond devastating.
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I did just what you did, seek solace in seeing on here how other people cope when their lives are devastated by the loss of their husband. Like you, I gave up drinking 10 year years ago, and, like you, I looked for support on line. ‘Stay strong’ I keep being told, but nobody tells me how.
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‘Stay strong’. What a meaningless thing to say, but I’m sure nobody means to say stupid things. They/we genuinely don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry though @BigL I hope you have some good people around you xxx
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Thank you everyone it means a lot and i know that you are all going through a bad time too . Thank you all .
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I LOST MY SUE ON 15 JAN 2023 AFTER 43 YEARS TOGETHER MY SUE WAS PLACED ON PALITIVE CARE IN WHISTON HOSPITAL I STAYED WITH HER FOR 8 WEEKS SHE HAD A SHOWER AND TOILET IN HER ROOM AND I JUST SAT AND STROKED HER HAIR FOR 8 DAYS AND 8 EVEN LONGER NIGHTS NOW AND AGAIN SHE WOULD GENTLY SQUEEZE MY HAND SO I sat their in the end the nurse told me to tell my sue to let go her body was broken so for two days I kept telling the woman i love to go. It is the hardest thing I have ever done God its so hard to fail someone after 43 years of love
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You didn’t fail her. I promise you that. I’ve just read what you did for her, you couldn’t have done any more.
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She relied on me I told my sue to fight and I will do the rest when i got her home my last promise to my Sue six days later I had to tell her to let go in 43 years I never broke a promise. I will not let her go I now belive there is nothing after death so all my Sues memory’s of me are gone death is an empty void no bright light to walk to no reunion just nothing
wish I could help Joseph but we are both lost at this time you are not alone just read and see so many sad souls on here sorry Dave
@Dave13
You most certainly did not fail your wife. You were with her and cared enough about her to tell her to let go, even though it was the last thing you wanted. That is in NO WAY failing her.
I am lucky that I DO believe that the soul lives on. The soul is not the body or we would be lesser people when parts of our bodies have to be removed for whatever reason. We are not though. We remain that person as the soul is a force within us.
I believe your wife’s soul is waiting somewhere for you.
Love
Karen xxx
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KarenF I hope you are right Hun and I am wrong thank you for the slight hope I am so down since my Sue went take care Dave
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