Hi
I lost my husband last August, after a 2.5 yr illness (not cancer). I’m finding life increasingly hard, the pain i feel is unbearable and i feel so alone. I have 3 adult son but their grief is different to mine. I find it hard to go out and socialise with other people even my parents. Is this something happens during the grief process?
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Sorry for your loss
Grief is different and more difficult when it’s your partner - your lives are inextricably linked day to day, because it’s not just the loss, it’s the complete upheaval of life on all aspects
I’ve found that people just don’t understand, even close family, and this becomes more isolating as all your relationship dynamics change across the board as you just don’t seem to be able to relate anymore
It’s a very difficult road we walk and best we can hope for is to become more adept at adapting to this new life
It takes time
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I have become increasingly reclusive since my partner of 38 years died in May.If I go out to the shops I can’t wait to get home.I don’t even want visitors,but when they arrive I’m okay all I really want is Peter back which I know will never happen.I hope I get more confidence soon as it can’t be good to be so reclusive.
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LyndaK that is exactly how i feel. I still can’t believe that Andrew isn’t here anymore, i miss his voice, his touch and everything about him. Having my little job helps me i forget my grief for an hour and i feel "normal " again. We had to move into a bungalow from our family home in june 22, i find that hard it feels like all my happy memories are there, all i have here are sad memories from Andrew’s illness to him passing away here.
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shellmillar,I,m retired and go days without seeing anyone although I do speak to people on the phone every day.I can imagine you would want to be back in your happy home,Peter died very suddenly in our garden last May and I can,t imagine leaving this house we had many happy years here the garden doesn’t worry me I sit where he died and talk to him.
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From reading the posts on here, it seems that our ways of grieving are very personal and very different.
I too have three grown up sons and agree that their grief is very different to mine.
They have their own lives and partners so dont experience the same lonliness and despair.
My Susan knew i wouldn’t forget her, but made me promise her that i wouldnt forget myself. She didnt want me to be unhappy and give up.
This i take great comfort in : she knew me better than anyone.
Your lovely husband, Im sure, would have wanted the same for you.
Plantman, you’re right Andrew wouldn’t want me to feel lonely and sad, i know he’s always with me. Its very hard trying to find me again, I’m someones wife, and mother and along the way i lost myself, but i always had Andrew, now i have to adjust to being and doing things on my own. Whatever ido i know Andrew will be with me all the way, he was and is my wingman and i was his.
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Yes the grief we feel as their wife is completely different to the grief our kids feel. They can escape from it … we cant. And also we feel.it everyday when theyre not with us amymore . I have found the same problem myself with my 3 kids 
it is hard to socialise i agree because we feel so different now. Take care and we all understand on here xx
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