Hi, i’ve just lost my mam unexpectedly on Sunday 5th October and finding it soooo hard. I feel alone but i’m not, i’m not eating much, not sleeping well as i wake up in a panic. My husband goes back to work tomorrow and my son whose autistic is at college. I’ve been popping to my parents each day as my dad and two brothers are there and trying to help but i just cant get my head around it. My brother and I are looking to refer to a grieving counsellor as we keep saying what if, could we have but just dont know how to cope without mam 
xxx
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Hello @Christine27, I can see you’re new, so I just wanted to say how sorry I am for the loss of your mam. Your loss is so recent and raw; please do try and be gentle with yourself right now 
Sadly, many of our members will understand just what you’re going through right now. I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, I just wanted to share this with you. Grief is different for everyone, but it might help a bit to know anything you’re feeling is normal, and what else to expect.
Take good care and keep reaching out,
Seaneen
So sorry for your loss. I am coming up to 2 weeks since losing my mum. To be honest it feels longer because time seems to have stopped. Everyone else’s lives continue at a normal pace while mine has shattered. It’s like I’m watching someone else’s life unravel and not my own. My sleeping and eating has also been disrupted. My days are spent catching up on sleep or feeling incredibly flat. Then a massive wave of grief hits and the tears won’t stop. It is the hardest thing ever. You are not alone though. There are so many people here who are sadly feeling your pain. The best advice I’ve had is to try to take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. It is all we can do.
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Thank you and i can totally relate to you. So sorry for your loss. Im still processing whats just happened and the unbearable pain trying to survive each day is so hard and my head just wont settle about things. Mam has left a massive whole in our lives that nothing will ever fill xxx
I hope you managed ok with your husband back to work. I think it will take a long time to process and really sink in. Even going to my parents house and seeing her not there has not totally hit me yet. I think my mind is trying to protect me from the full shock but then it comes in waves and I’m floored.
The night and mornings are unbearable and i’ve found it really hard him having to be up early and leaving by 6.30am. Im having to find the strength to face the day and get my son to college as he prefers to go but its routine i guess.
Yeah ive been going to my parents house everyday and have to take a big breath as mams gorgeous smile to greet me is no longer there . Dad does his best but its not the same. Yes it comes in waves and i fall apart, the tears dont stop which is happens when im outside x
i lost my mam unexpectedly too on the 4th of feb this year, im only 21 so i apologise for my stupid spelling. i miss her every day but the only thing getting me through is this 1 photo, shes smiling, the smile ive always known. and i know that she wants whats best for me. every day i think to myself that if i was with her that night she’d be here with me. i am struggling to talk to people like you are and only cry alone too. I finally looked into something like this and i think talking to people you DON’T know is so much easier than the ones around you, who are trying to help.
I am so sorry you lost your mam. i cant imagine the pain you’re feeling as i believe that even if you’re the ‘same’ on paper, you never truly feel the same. if you ever need to talk to anyone i will always be here because i think the best way to cope is to speak about her and have someone who will listen. understand you and most of all be patient.
loosing a mam is (in my opinion) one of the WORST things to go through, and to everyone feeling and going through the same thing i think it is better to talk and not bottle it up. <3
Yes either end of the day feels the hardest. I wake up and then it hits me again. I try to keep myself occupied during the day. In the evening I just go and rest in bed and that’s when my mind starts to think it all through and the tears flow. I feel like I merely exist at the moment, going day to day but not really living.
So sorry for your loss. I keep being told that in my 40s I’m young to have lost my mum. I can’t imagine how you must feel. I hope you have lots of support around you to help.
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Thank you for your message and i’m so sorry for your loss and your so young too and no need to apologise for your spelling . Im in my 40’s and mam passed too soon for me,too young at 72. I still need her .
I keep looking at photos and i have mam as my home screen and say morning mam each day and cuddle her top. It hurts so much, my heart aches, my mind is tormented. I feel like in all the shock i cant hear her voice 
.
I say that too as trying to be strong for my dad and brothers, mostly my younger brother as he did CPR on mam before paramedics got there so he feels he let her down not being up early. I try to say the right words but fall apart as yes mams do want whats best for they kids in this cruel world we live in. Try and keep us safe no matter how old.
And it is hard trying not to torment yourself but you do think if someone had been up earlier as i dont live at parents but brothers do . I use to ring everyday but if only id rang earlier would mam be here today . Mam use to be up at 4am never really slept well . I never thought mam would go like this .
I cry as soon as i try to talk. Comfort at the moment is i can see mam resting in the chapel.
I get you and yes talking and getting it all out to people on here is easier than speaking to close family .
So sorry for going on and i hope each day is kind to you and yes losing your mam is the worst thing to go through.
x
It is isnt it, i cant bear the day and how im not popping to the shops on my day off with mam or popping in with something she needed and mam was never good online so we would order things for her especially gorgeous shampoos she’d seen online and mam was always looking for a good vitamin supplement always trying to make sure she was well. Use to tell us to get the doctors . I do my best to keep occupied but the pain stops me.
Yes i feel that too. I dont know how my dad is coping as his not good at showing his emotions. He just keeping busy and tried to carry on tradition doing a sunday dinner yesterday xx
I can relate to the loss of daily routine. My mum would always ask me what I was doing today and I would update her on my day regularly. Without these check ins it’s so easy to drift and lack purpose. It is 10am and I am still laying in bed.
Funeral tomorrow and I feel sick at the thought of it.
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Aw same here, my mam knew exactly what was going on in my day. I always rang at 10am or if at work i would drop her a text to say i was there okay . I would then be meeting up or if not would ring again around tea time after work checking alls okay . Mam use to have my son on Fridays so Mam would always have a cuppa and biscuit when i got there after work.
Yes i can totally relate as without these check ins ive drifted and lack purpose .
your in my thoughts im dreading that day coming as ive not listened to misic or seen anyone xx
I don’t as dreading it too. Some parts were awful and some parts were ok. Seeing her coffin made it undeniably real but also meant for that short while she was close again. I fell apart at the committal and thinking now that she’s no longer physically here is heartbreaking.
Excuse the typos - brain fog has set in these last few weeks! “I was dreading it”
How are you today after the funeral you dont need to apologise.
I’ve read my mams eulogy and it makes me smile but sad at the same time. Im dreading seeing the coffin as like you it will hit hard as its real like im losing mam all over again and same that i cant see her physically to talk too . Thats understandable to fall apart, i hope you had support or someone to hug you xx
So sorry for your loss
I’m going through the same thing. I lost my precious mum on 10 October very unexpectedly and I’m absolutely devastated. I can’t eat or sleep or do anything. I feel so much guilt about the things I didn’t do and forget all the good stuff I did for her. I just want one more day with her. I don’t know how I’m going to cope without her
Rose80 I’m with you (and everyone else) my mum also died on the 10th. She was the rock I could always depend on. I know it’s hard and I wish I could give you a physical hug but please know that I’m thinking of you x
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It’s like the first few days of losing her all over again. Not sleeping great then laying in bed half the day resting and trying to ignore reality. Trying to do a few little things a day but that is really my limit at the moment.
My husband works from home so is checking in on me. It’s so hard to imagine the pain of the loss though until you go through it yourself.
When is your mum’s funeral? I will be thinking of you.
Sorry for your loss and that you are having to join this club too. It’s the club no one wants to be in but everyone is very supportive.
I keep overthinking all the things I should have done or said too. I would give anything for one more day with her 
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