Losing my mam

Losing a parent
1

Hi

I lost my mam back in febuary this year. She had a stroke and was gone just like that. Me and my wife were the ones that found her and by the time we did it was to late and she later died in hospital 4 days later. My problem is I don’t really know what to do. I feel sad all the time but put a face on, I’ve been using alcohol heavily since which is something I didn’t really touch before. I can’t cry, I’m just sad. Can’t really explain it but feel like I’m spiralling and not sure where to go what to do. I was wondering does anyone get what I’m saying with the way they feel? And help me to understand it? Just want to take a step forward as I have kids and a wife to think about. Apologies for the long paragraph but if anyone has anything to say, suggest please do reply

1 Like
2

My mum passed yesterday and I have the same feeling. I saw on another forum that everything seems to feel blank now and nothing impacts feeling wise as hard. Unlike me, you’ve got a family around you who will also be sad and confused at the change. I drink to support myself too but do it on planned nights (when historically I would have gone on a night out). Keeping it to a scheduled night or time may help at first as you can use it as your time. The problem with drink though is that it can start unpicking the structure of your life. That ‘go on, why not?’ Is only a gateway with drinking being your only option and it can ruin your life. Please don’t let it.

3

Hello , First of all I am so sorry to hear that you lost your Mam earlier this year. Its such a blow too when it comes out of the blue and is unexpected. I lost my Mum almost 3 years ago now and she was a great age but her final illness was quite short and unexpected . There are two things that you have spoken about in your message that I understand. One is that you cant cry :pensive_face: . I do know what that feels like and of course the emotion that normally causes crying has to go somewhere if its not released, and some people try and cover it up. You mention drinking more and thats also something that I have done to cover up the pain. For me I have allowed myself to cry spontaneously if anything has triggered it rather than try to keep it in and that has been helpful. I did a little while ago now also start to realise that the drinking was not healthy for me and I needed to stop and look after myself more. It has all taken its time for me and I do believe having suffered a number of bereavements now in my life that they have all been different dependent on where I was in my life. I often find speaking to people that are not emotionally connected to me, or my lost loved one easier to speak to .I believe that Its a very personal journey and one that you work out for yourself but its good to have insights into how others have coped with their loss. I hope this helps in some way. Take care Christine B

1 Like