Hi, my mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 Esophageal Cancer on the 12th March this year (2025), she died on the 19th June. My mom had just turned 72, a very young looking, so alive 72. She had some problems with a husky voice and cough for 18 months and after a chest X-ray came back clear, she was told it was likely due to her rheumatoid arthritis tablets! Once she got to the stage of having difficulty swallowing it was too late to save her. I have a stepdad of 33 years who was controlling of my mom and over the years caused fall outs with almost every member of our family including my brother and sister and almost with me too. I also have a much younger brother that my mom had with my stepdad when she was 46! There is way way too much to go into with all the family dynamics but mom was ill for such a short time and he continued with his controlling, coercive behaviour while she was ill which culminated in a huge row at the hospice and on the morning of her dying, he had her body removed by the funeral directors without giving my brother, sister and myself a chance to say goodbye. I obviously cried when my mom was ill and when she died but since then I have this weird thing where my brain will not let me think about any of it in any detail, I don’t really cry and I can’t feel my mom or think about her, it’s like I’m in complete denial. Everybody thinks I’m going to have a breakdown at some point but I literally feel nothing most days. Is this normal???
Thank you for reaching out, @Tracey02. I’m so sorry about your mom. You’ve asked if what you’re feeling is normal, and I wanted to reassure you that there’s no one way to grieve. It’s really common to feel numb or in denial, especially in the early days. You might find our page how long does grief last helpful to read. It talks you through some of what you might be feeling right now, and what other feelings you may have in time.
You are not alone. I’m not sure if you’ve seen our Losing a parent category. But there you can connect with other members who are coping with grief.
Please do keep reaching out and take good care 
So sorry for your loss. Such a short time between diagnosis and her dying must have been a massive shock. I lost my mum last week after over a decade long battle with cancer but I am still in denial that she didn’t get better this time. When it is so out of the blue like your mum it must feel very unreal and hard to believe. Also trying to navigate the behaviour of those around you must be very hard. It’s not the same, but I have clashed with my dad in recent weeks as he vented his frustration over mum and her declining health and his struggles to deal with it. How your step dad has behaved must have added more stress that you really didn’t need. It sounds like your body is shutting it all out as a coping mechanism. I hope you can try to remove yourself from other people’s noise to allow yourself to think about you and your mum, what she meant to you and to grieve that loss.
Thank you for your response. I’m sorry for your loss too, it’s so hard losing your mom whatever the circumstances. It sounds like it’s been hard for a long time, I don’t know which is easier to deal with but in the end the outcome is the same and the loss and devastation are the same. I hope you and your Dad find some peace and can be there for each other x
Unfortunately both ways are devastating. I lost a close friend a few years ago very suddenly. The shock was immense as it was so unexpected. With my mum, she has fought for so long and struggled particularly for the last year and a half. I have been in pre grief for some while which some might think makes it more expected. I still cannot comprehend though that she has gone and the loss I feel is unimaginable.