Hi everyone
I’ve joined this group to talk about the loss of my mother 6 weeks ago, to help with the loneliness this has caused. Each day I feel exhausted. I’m just getting through the days, having to make myself do things everyday AND get out of my flat, for my sanity.
I just wanted to share this to also help other people.
Hi PTr25. I hear you and know exactly how you are feeling. I’m a little further down the road than you - my mother died in July. I can remember the the exhausted days when all I could do was to lie on the sofa. But, I’ve gone back to work after 6 weeks to a job I hate and am struggling managing the anxiety. But I’m working on it.
The exhaustion and brain fog is very real. Some days I just have to stay in bed for some of the morning to try and build some strength for the day. I’m also struggling to think clearly and keep losing my train of thought or forgetting things. I’ve been off work the last 4 weeks and am taking another 2. I really hope I can get in a better place by then.
I’ve just lost my dad (my mum died 14 years ago) and I only took a week and a bit off work and am, like you, back in a job I hate. Went back too quickly but as it was a new job I felt I had to. They were supportive at the time but now seen to have forgotten I’m still knee deep in grief. I’m going to leave but it feels awful. I can hold it together enough that people probably think I’m fine but I’m really not. Hope you’re getting through it ok
So sorry Sweepie. Definitely take more time. It is life changing. The problem is that when you turn up to work they can wrongly assume you’re ok and make no adjustments. I think I will be seeking a fit note with suggested adaptations to work when I return, so they have to be vigilant.
Thanks for the reply, that sounds like a good plan for you. I work in education and they’re really not very accommodating so I think I’m going to leave as soon as I can and look at going to supply for a bit. It’s a financial risk but I think I need the head space to sort my head out a bit. People definitely assume you must be ok if you go to work and appear ok. Shane they can’t see the scribbly mess that’s inside my head. Is there any way you could leave your job or change roles?
I also work in education. There’s definitely a lack of understanding about grief and workload. I think they only will accommodate if we insist upon it. That’s why I’m considering the adapted fit note so they have to think more about the expectations put on me.
Go to your GP doctor for medication for anxiety if it’s very difficult to manage.
I had to do this following anxiety attacks where I had to repeatedly count to 100 while walking up and down my kitchen at 03.30 in the morning, like a mad woman. It felt like what if I can’t intervene and the anxiety escalates - I’ll have a heart attack! Anything about death set it of, I think seeing my mothers body too had put me in touch with fear of my own death.
If the anxiety is so bad go outside, look at the floor, look at nothing, keep counting - that worked for me.
Hi Mancmum
Thank you for your reply. It’s great to know this is a normal response to loss and I’m not alone in this. Take care of yourself.
I lost both my parents in the last 12 month I cannot contemplate work I have a stressful job in the NHS started on anti depressants being kind to myself and that’s the way forward x
Hi,
I know exactly how you feel.
I lost my mother over a month ago. I felt so exhausted and I still do. I have to find ways to make the day have structure and meaning. My mother and I were also friends and so it really makes me feel lonely and sad. It is something that you can only handle one day at a time.
Take it easy with yourself and don’t rush into anything.
I lost my mum 32 year ago when I was 23 and pregnant it was awful and a shock I miss her so much 
I know it’s painful isn’t it. I miss my mum too. 
Hi Ptr25,
I totally understand how you feel, I lost my mother 3 weeks ago unexpectantly, for the last 3 years I had been careing for my mother as she was in end stage renal faliure, so I had been spending a lot of time with her, me and my mother were very close and I would always make myself available whenever she needed help. I suppose with time and I know my mother would want me to get back to the activites I did before I became a full time carer for her, does sort of bring a bit of ease to my grief, just not being able to talk to her is quite difficult and I’ve had times where my brain doesn’t compute that I will never see this person again, but I know my mother wouldn’t want me to forever mourn and she would want me to search for happiness wherever it may be for me. Thank you for sharing your post, if you have family spend time with them to try and eliminate the lonliness.