My mother has recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer and I need some help. They’ve given her a prognosis of 6 weeks to 6 months but she is deteriorating quite quickly. My mother and i have never had a good relationship - in fact prior to this I had kept away for 3 years following an incident involving my younger step-brother. Following the diagnosis, I decided that all that mattered was that I had done everything i could to show her i loved her before she passed. And while on the one hand, she keeps saying she wants me around, its proving difficult. She doesn’t love me and she’s being very clear about it. It’s always been like that. She wants me there to support my step-family. I keep telling myself that doesn’t matter and that this is about her and how to help, but I’m not coping with it. She is my only family. I don’t know what to do for the best. I would really appreciate any advice.
Hi. E Jones.
Yes, welcome to the site. Your post highlights the pain that can occur before bereavement when we know it’s going to happen but find it hard to cope. When in pain and ill we often say things that can cause upset. So many find coming to terms with watching someone deteriorate is almost impossible. No matter what the relationship is like, it’s a fellow human being suffering, and that will arouse some empathy in most people.
Giving advice in such circumstances is difficult. You can only take it day by day. If you can give comfort then do that. Continue to love her. Love has a way of overcoming all problems if it’s sincere. Try not to knock yourself up about the past. It’s gone and it’s the now that matters.
Please come back and talk if you wish. We all understand.